Before the Storm
by keynote123
Summary: Autumn Knight is your average teenage girl living with her dad in small town Ohio. She's spent years trying to forget and move on from the broken relationship she has with her brother, but that doesn't always work when he's one fourth of a famous boy band. One day, however, she's forced to fly out to California with her dad and confront the feelings she's left bottled up.
1. Chapter 1

"So I'm going to guess rehearsal went terribly?" Eleven year old Katie asked to the four teenage boys collapsed on the bright orange couch.

"You don't even know the half of it, baby sister," Kendall replied with a groan. James, Carlos, and Logan moaned in agreement. Normally they could handle days like these, but Gustavo had pushed dancing really hard and all of their bodies hurt.

"How was your day, Katie?" Logan asked while sitting up, wincing in pain.

She shrugged. "Fine. I played poker with a bunch of the staff and earned some pocket change."

"You really need some friends," James commented while pulling himself up and to the kitchen. He rummaged around in the fridge until he produced a bottle of water.

"Dude, just get a glass; it'll help save plastic," Logan complained.

"I'll drink my water in any container I want to," James replied. Logan, obviously down to his last nerve, jumped up and slapped the pretty boy's bottle of water out of his hands.

"Uhhh, hello that was my water!" James was starting to get testy to the raven haired boy. Logan just gave him a look and that was all it took for James to tackle his friend to the ground.

"Guys stop!" Kendall tried to intervene, but it was no use. He tried to pry Logan (since he was smaller and easier to lift) off of James, but that just ended up in a three-way fight. Carlos was in a state of panic just trying to get his friends to stop, but in the end he was down on the floor with them.

Mrs. Knight walked into the room, rolled her eyes, and let out a giant "BOYS CUT IT OUT!" Immediately the four teens broke apart. "Much better," she said in a tight tone.

Everybody apart from Mrs. Knight flashed each other confused looks. "Are you alright, Mom?" Kendall asked.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" She responded with a jittery laugh.

"Mom, you're not ok," Katie protested. Logan, Carlos, and James nodded in agreement.

"It's nothing," Mrs. Knight replied with a sigh.

"Mom, what happened?" Kendall asked seriously.

She let out yet another sigh. "Kendall, Katie…Your father and sister are coming to Los Angeles."

**Autumn's Point of View**

I walked through the door of my house and my dog came barreling towards me. "Hey, Bud," I greeted him while giving him a good pat on the head. He barked happily and followed me as I made my way to the kitchen.

"DAD?" I yelled. I spotted a note on the kitchen counter. I walked over and dropped my backpack in the process.

I picked up the yellow sticky note and read what my dad wrote down. "_Autumn, I got called in at the last minute for work. I'll be home for dinner. (Go crazy for what we eat. Maybe go out for ice cream later?:) I'll see you soon sweetie. –Dad" _

I laughed and kicked my backpack across the room. My dad and I were super close and he was really laid back when it came to what I did. (Heck, he let me stay out until three in the morning (ignoring legal curfews) and didn't think anything of it. Don't get me wrong, though, he raised me well.) I think it had to do a lot with the fact when he divorced my mom I was the only of my two siblings that moved to small town Ohio to live with him.

I glanced at the clock and it was only 3:30, so I decided my homework could wait. I ran up to my room and turned on my old laptop. (It had originally been my dad's work computer, but he gave it to me when he bought a new one. It ran pretty slow, but it was my own computer and I wasn't about to complain.) I sat patiently through all the pop-up windows and waited for the internet to load. From there I checked my e-mail and my Facebook.

As usual, I had about two notifications and I read through the newsfeed others had posted. I shook my head at the atrocious grammar and punctuation most people seemed to use. I kept scrolling until somebody just _had _to post about them.

"_Kendall pls marry meeeeee!" _The caption read underneath a picture of Big Time Rush. At the moment I really wished Facebook had a 'passionate dislike' button. I glowered at the picture of my brother and his friends before slamming the lid to my computer closed.

"You know what? Homework seems to be calling my name," I said aloud. I made my way back down to the kitchen to complete what all of my teachers had assigned me. Currently it was the end of May, which meant there was only a couple weeks left of my freshman year. Then, July hit and I could get back into marching band.

An hour later I finished my homework and had no clue as to what to make for dinner. Eventually I gave up and started boiling water for spaghetti. I focused my attention on the tiny bubbles rising to the surface instead of thinking about _them_.

My dad came home just as I was setting the table. "_Winning!_" I thought to myself.

"Hi sweetheart, how was your day?" He asked as he set down his briefcase.

I shrugged. "Fine. It's school so nothing interesting ever happens."

"Keep telling yourself that. One day you're going to miss it," My dad laughed. I shook my head with a smile on my face. "Oh hey, look, spaghetti!"

"If you're going to change the subject then let's eat," I replied. He gave the noodles a careful look. "Oh, relax; I made you the regular kind. Only I get the whole wheat ones." My dad visibly relaxed as soon as I said that.

"So, any big plans for summer?" My dad asked after a couple minutes. I gave him an odd look.

"Only what we've planned to do," I replied cautiously. "Why?"

"Well, I was talking to your mother-"

"Dad!" I complained.

"Listen, Autumn. I was talking to her and we made arrangements for us to fly out to Los Angeles for a couple weeks after school lets out so you can see Kendall and Katie."

"No," I said firmly. There was no way I was about to see them.

"Come on, Autumn," My dad pleaded.

"You know what happened the last time," I pointed out.

"Things have changed."

"Keep telling yourself that." I quoted him sourly.

"Autumn Marie Knight, we are going to see our family and you will not complain." I glared at my plate.

"You know what? I'm not hungry," I said as I pushed away from the table. Before my dad could say anything more I ran up to my room, slammed the door, and glared at my laptop. "I hope you're happy."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I feel dumb because I didn't say anything in the previous chapter. (oops…) This is my very first story here on Fanfiction and I'm so excited! After putting up chapter one you guys have all been so nice with reviewing and adding me to your story alerts that I tried to make this chapter really good[: Thank you all so much! There's not really much more for me to say except for this:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. (Well, I keep James in my sandbox, but that's another story…)**

"You're kidding me, right?" Kendall asked in disbelief. The other boys just stood there, not quite knowing what to say.

"Sweetie, it's been seven years. We can't just forget about them," Mrs. Knight tried to reason with her stubborn son.

"Well why don't we?"

"Kendall Donald Knight-"

"What's so bad about Dad and Autumn?" Katie broke in. Her mom and brother stopped their arguing to stare at the tiny preteen.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Mrs. Knight replied. Kendall gave a huff, muttered something about taking a shower, and stalked off in the direction of the bathroom.

The air was thick with tension, which Carlos broke with a slow "Who wants dinner?"

(Autumn's Point of View)

"This better be worth it," I muttered as I packed my hairbrush in my barely-used suitcase. The end of the school year has come much too quickly for my taste. Normally I loved summer, but I just wanted it to be July. We were leaving for the airport in an hour and I, of course, had yet to pack.

The commercials on the radio stopped playing and music came on. I started dancing while grabbing articles of clothing and packing them away. I tried my hardest to sing along with Nicki Minaj, but that promptly ended when a high note sent me into a round of coughs.

"And this is why you aren't a singer," My dad's voice sounded from the doorway. I gave him a look over my shoulder and smiled.

"Yes, thank you for enrolling me in French horn lessons and _not _voice lessons," I said with a laugh. To say that my singing sounded like a cat being drowned would be putting it nicely. (I really could not sing… or dance. I tried it but mean ballet teacher got so fed up with me that she kicked me out. I haven't tried it since.)

"And look at how good you are now. Hey, we need to leave in about five minutes because traffic's horrible," my dad said.

"Ok, I'll be down as soon as I…" I yanked the zipper closed and lugged the heavy bag off my bed. "Do that. Alright, let's hit the road." I tried to walk through the door but my dumb suitcase kept on hitting the frame.

"Autumn, I'll get this one," my dad said with a chuckle.

"NO! I can do this!" I protested and somehow managed to not only finagle it through my door, but down the stairs and in the trunk of the car.

Within two hours we were up in the air. I had my iPod in, ready for the four hours and forty minutes that awaited me.

I like to think I took the most of that time. I took a two hour nap, played I Spy with a little kid sitting across the row from me, did a little bit of my summer assignments for school (if you count reading and annotating one page of _The Crucible _as work.), drew a picture of a stick narwhal, and listened to music. I felt like ficken Wonder Woman by the time we landed!

The plane stopped and everybody started to stand up. I zipped up my carry on and stood up, effectively hitting my head in the process. I rubbed the sore spot while stepping out into the isle. My dad grabbed on to my shoulders and steered me through into the crowded airport.

"Do you even know where we're going?" I asked with a frown. I didn't like being lost. The mass of people seemed to multiply around us.

"Well, not exactly, but I'm sure we'll find your mom!" he replied. I rolled my eyes, knowing we were lost in a crowded California airport.

We ended up wandering around for twenty minutes until I spotted the red hair of my mom. I smiled and walked quickly over to her. "Mom!" I called out happily. She turned around and a smile lit up her features.

"Look at you!" she exclaimed as she gave me a hug. I laughed and returned the embrace, noticing that I stood a couple inches taller than her. "I can't believe how grown up you look now."

"Mom, I'm only fifteen," I said with a laugh.

"But I haven't seen you since you were eight," she pointed out. "Oh, just wait until you see Kendall and Katie!"

My heart dropped. "Yeah…." I said uncomfortably. Honestly, I could stand seeing Katie, but I really didn't want to have contact from my brother. A sudden thought hit me. "Are Carlos, Logan, and James going to be there?"

"Well of course," my mom answered with a smile.

I sighed. "Great," I mumbled under my breath. Kendall's friends liked me as much as my brother did, which wasn't very much.

My parents exchanged tense greetings before we got into my mom's old blue minivan. I buckled my seatbelt and stared out the window, nervous feelings twisting in the pit of my stomach. I had a horrible hunch that this visit was going to resurface some old habits that I'd really rather not go back to.

Before I knew it we were parked in front of a building called the Palm Woods. I vaguely remembered somebody calling it the place for the future famous. My dad handed me my suitcase and gently pushed me forward. I stumbled a bit, took a giant breath, and unwillingly pushed after my mom.

We stepped into the lobby and I was in awe. Everything was so contemporary but really pretty. We passed by a pool where kids were swimming happily or hanging out with their friends. It looked like a really popular spot to be considering there was a smoothie stand close by.

We kept walking to the elevators and stepped in. I started playing with my fingers, a horrible nervous habit I had. My mom pressed the button for the second floor and we lurched upward. The doors opened and we made our way to the one place I didn't want to be.

As my mom fumbled around for her keys I could hear shouts and cheering coming from the inside. I turned and gave me dad a worried look. He just rubbed my back soothingly. My mom opened the door to reveal a heated game of dome hockey going.

"YOU'RE NOT GONNA BEAT ME, JAMES!" Carlos screamed. My eyes widened and I had a sudden fear for the poor game. They were so into it that they obviously didn't notice the door open.

"Boys, I think we're done here," my mom called out. They immediately started groaning only to stop when they caught sight of me standing there with my dad. Their faces turned unhappy and even though I may never admit it, I felt hurt. I guess I thought maybe something had changed, but those were false fantasies.

"Say hello," my mom ordered. Nobody made a move to greet me or my dad. I looked up to see Kendall glaring at me which I gladly returned. The amount of tension in the room seemed to strangle everybody.

"Dad! Autumn!" came the voice of my little sister. I broke my gaze away from Kendall and focused my attention on the tiny twelve-year old bounding towards me.

My dad caught her first and hugged her tightly, remarking at how big she was. He released her and she turned to me. I smiled and hugged her.

"Now, Katie, who told you that you were allowed to grow up?" I asked, my smile growing bigger.

"Me? Have you looked in a mirror lately?" She responded with a laugh.

"I'll stop when you stop, ok Katie-Kat?" I reasoned. I heard an annoyed huff from my brother before he angrily made his way to what I assumed to be his room.

"It's been a long day at the studio," my mom explained before things could get awkward again.

"We didn't go in today." I turned to look at who contradicted my mom and I swear my heart stopped beating. There stood James Diamond in all his glory. Now, if you haven't seen somebody since you were eight years old things do change. As I stood there all my thoughts were jumbled and I'm pretty sure trying to speak a comprehensible sentence would be a very difficult task.

When he turned to look at me, however, reality snapped back into place. His hazel eyes held nothing but pure hatred towards me. Instead of glaring back I looked down at my shoes, desperately trying to cheer myself up from that look. No doubt I would've burst into tears if I wasn't trying to think happy thoughts. I had only been here five minutes and already I felt like I had messed up everybody's lives.

"_I want to go home,_" I thought miserably. I peeked up to see the normally happy Carlos and shy Logan rolling their eyes unhappily at me.

"Can Autumn and I go put our bags away?" my dad asked.

"Oh, of course! Autumn, you'll be staying with Katie in her room," my mom answered. Katie smiled and motioned for me to follow her. I yanked my suitcase after me and made my way to my little sister's room.

"You can sleep on my bed and I can take the floor," she offered. I shook my head.

"I'll take the floor. There's no reason for you to give up your bed."

"Are you sure?" Katie asked, seeming hesitant. I nodded with a smile. "Ok. I'm going to let you unpack. I'll be watching television." She left the room and I flopped down against the wall, happy to finally be alone. I put my head in my hands and took shaky breaths.

"What happened to all those years ago?" I asked quietly.

_Flashback *ten years ago* _

"_KENDAAAAAALLLL!" the five-year old version of me screamed as I ran barefoot through the soft summer grass. "Jamie's gonna get me!"_

"_What did you do now, Little One?" my brother asked with an amused smile, using my beloved nickname. _

"_I messed up his hair like the way Daddy does it to us," I explained while looking around. _

"_Oh, you're gonna get it now, Autumn!" came the voice I didn't want to hear at the time. I squealed and started running again, barely paying attention to my surroundings. _

_James was gaining on me, and I wasn't about to have that. I pushed my tiny legs to go faster, but I didn't see the tree root in my way. Before I knew it I was falling on my face. _

_I sat up, a horrible pain coming from my knee. I started to sniffle as I looked down at my leg. The sight of blood sent me over the edge and before I knew it I was wailing. _

"_Shhh, Little One, you're ok," my brother tried to soothe me as he picked me up and cradled me. _

"_It hurts," I whimpered. Kendall held me tighter. I heard rapidly approaching footsteps. _

"_Are you ok, Autumn?" James asked in a concerned voice. I shook my head while crying into my brother's shoulder. _

"_Can you tell me what happened?" asked the gentle voice of Logan. I peeked out and nodded. _

"_I-I was running away from Jamie 'cuz I made his hair look bad, a-and I didn't see the bump there and I fell down and hurt my knee," I explained softly. The cut was starting to sting, which only made my tears come down faster. _

"_Carlos, can you go get the first aid kit and a wet washcloth from inside?" the future doctor asked. Carlos nodded and ran like his life depended on it. My brother held me close, trying to get me to stop crying. _

"_Thank you," I heard Logan murmur to Carlos a couple minutes later. "Autumn, can you stretch out you leg for me, please?" I nodded and extended my injured limb. He applied the damp cloth to the bloody area and made it look a little bit better. _

"_Kendall, can you hold he leg down for me now?" he muttered to my brother. Kendall nodded and gently gripped my tiny thigh. James understood what was about to happen and pinned my ankle to the ground. I frowned, not liking where this was going. _

"_Autumn, this may sting a little," Logan said cautiously as he poured some kind of liquid that burned my nose to smell on a cotton ball. My eyes went wide as dinner plates and I tried to squirm away. Carlos went and held onto me firmly so I couldn't get away._

"_NOOOOO!" I screeched as the antiseptic hit my wound. Logan frowned, not liking that he was making me upset. _

"_I'm done," he said happily as he stuck a Hello Kitty band aide over my knee a couple moments later. I smiled at the bandage, my pain completely forgotten. _

"_LOOK! It has Hello Kitty!" I squealed excitedly. Kendall laughed and hugged me. _

"_I'm just glad you're ok," he told me. The other three boys nodded in agreement. _

"_Thanks for making me feel better," I said. _

"_It's what we're here for," Carlos pointed out with a grin. _

"_And that's never gonna change," James added. _

"_Yeah, we'll _always _be here for you, Bubbles," Logan promised. _

"_Really?" I asked uncertainty clear in my voice. _

"_Forever and always, little one. Forever and always."_

Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. Every single one of them had broken their promise. I looked up at the ceiling and all I could think was, "_What happened?_"

**And there you go, chapter two! I really hope it wasn't awful because that would make me very sad:'( Anyway, I'm not going to hold chapter three up for ransom unless I get X reviews because that's dumb and irritating. (Honestly, no author should do that.) But that's not to discourage anyone from reviewing [; I love hearing what you guys have to say and I would adore it if you guys put in ideas for future chapters! (Maybe more cute flashbacks between Autumn and the guys?) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi all![: I just want to let you all know how much you make me smile from all you've done so far. A shout out to Chey21 because she's reviewed both chapters so far and is just so sweet. A giant THANK YOU! to BigTimeKendallLover25 and BigTimeHannah for saying such nice things about the story so far[: I'm almost done with my incessant but if you like stories about the guys being dads then you HAVE to check out MorganWritesx story! (They're super good!) Of course, one last thing before chapter three…**

**Disclaimer: Really, I don't own Big Time Rush. (I moved James to my pantry, but that's about it.)**

I could sense I wasn't welcome all throughout dinner. First, Carlos complained that I was sitting in "his seat", so I ended up having to move. Then, I lost my grip on my orange juice and spilled it all over the table. My crowning moment, however, came when I completely lost my temper at my brother.

"So Autumn, do you have any other plans for the summer?" my mom asked.

I shrugged. "Not really. Rehearsals for the Fourth of July parade for band start up the day after we get back then I have band camp to look forward to the first week of August."

"Band nerd," I heard Kendall say under his breath. I snapped my head in his direction and shot him a look.

"_Excuse me_?" I asked, my voice full of venom.

"I just don't see why you still play the dumb instrument," he replied in a mock-innocent voice. His friends laughed in agreement. I could feel my anger steadily rising and I knew it was only a matter of time before World War Three started up.

"My _mellophone _happens to be what I love to do," I said through gritted teeth, about ready to throw my corn across the table.

"I guess it would be easy to love something that takes no talent."

That was all it took to send me out of my seat, the chair clattering against the floor. "NO TALENT? LIKE HITTING A PUCK AROUND ON ICE IS SO DEMANDING!"

"Autumn, that's enough," my dad hissed while trying to get me to sit back down. I looked over at Kendall to see a fire burning in his eyes.

"Don't you dare insult hockey," he said in a threatening voice.

"Oh, so you can insult marching band but when the tables are turned it's not ok?" I questioned. He remained silent, a glare sent my way. I picked my chair back up, turned around, and made my way to Katie's room.

"Oh, Autumn, I do have one question for you!" He called out. I looked over my shoulder. "When did you become such a selfish brat?" I could hear the other three boys trying to contain their snickers.

That one stung. "I'll answer that after you let me know first," I said just loud enough for him to hear. I opened the door to my safe haven and stepped inside, relief flowing through me. I knew we had completely overreacted, but that didn't occur to me at the time.

A soft knock sounded from the door. "Who is it?" I asked.

"The owner to this room," my sister answered. I turned the doorknob slowly and let Katie in. She sat down on her bed and looked at me with concerned brown eyes. "Are you ok?"

I took a deep breath and sighed. "I don't know."

"Kendall doesn't have a filter sometimes," she apologized.

"I guess it just runs in the family," I muttered. Katie laughed and we settled into a comfortable silence for a couple minutes.

"I really missed you," she said softly. I turned to look at the twelve-year old staring at me.

"I missed you too, Katie-Kat," I responded with a smile.

"No, like I _really _missed you." She paused to think. "I can be different with you. I don't have to act all tough like I do around the guys. I guess you just get it because you've been where I am and I know you can help me through anything. I mean, it's great to have Kendall as a big brother, but I just want to hang out with my big sister. I'm sorry if this is too much," she admitted while looking down.

"Katie," I directed her attention to me. "There's nothing to be ashamed of right now. That was so sweet of you to say." I paused to smile and ruffle her hair affectionately. "Let's plan on getting a ton of bonding time in these couple weeks, alright?"

Her face brightened and she nodded. "I love you, Big Sister," Katie said as she gave me a hug. An unexpected feeling of warmth flowed through me.

"I love you too," I murmured back. Our little moment was broken up when another knock came from the door.

"Autumn, it's Dad. Can I come in?"

Katie smiled before she got up to open the door and left, effectively leaving me and my dad alone. I looked down, preparing to get it.

"Was all that really necessary?" he asked, keeping his temper under control. "Autumn, you've never lost it like that before."

"Dad, he said those things just to get me to react the way I did!" I protested.

"You didn't have to retaliate," my dad pointed out.

"I know," I admitted while dropping my head. No words were spoken, leaving me to nervously stare at the poka dot design on Katie's bed sheets.

"I want you to go apologize to your brother," I opened my mouth to object but I was cut off. "And from now on you're not allowed to start or get involved in anything else like this." I stared at him, my mouth agape.

"So basically I have to _apologize _then let him make fun of me without being able to defend myself?" I asked incredulously.

"You mom already talked to him about it, so that won't happen. Now go apologize."

I let out an annoyed breath and made my way to the door. I gave my dad a look before turning the handle and stepping out into the hallway. Hesitantly, I walked to the direction of the living room, hoping he wasn't there and this whole process could just be forgotten.

Of course, luck wasn't on my side. There sat my brother watching a hockey game with Carlos. I mentally prepared myself before walking over and lightly tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around, his eyes narrowing when he saw who it was. Obviously he expected it to be somebody else.

"What?" he asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened at dinner," I said softly. Kendall gave me a look before be burst into laughter. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. I didn't apologize much, but I was pretty sure people didn't laugh when you tried.

"Dad set you up to this, didn't he?" Kendall asked after his laughs settled down. I looked down, not wanting to answer that question. "Listen, we both know you're being forced to do this, so let me save you the trouble. It's obvious we don't like each other, so stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

And just like that he had basically told me he didn't want to have any connections to me. I blinked several times before stepping back, the familiar feeling of hurt rushing through me.

"O-okay," I said just loud enough to be heard. Kendall was now absorbed in the television yet again, not caring what I had to say. I walked to the bathroom and closed the door, just wanting to be alone. I sighed and stared in the mirror. My bright green eyes identical to Kendall's stared back at me, the happiness in them gone. I sighed and went to touch my bronze waves, a physical trait I had acquired through the recessive gene on my mom's side.

"I wish I didn't look like this," I whispered sadly. I closed my eyes, trying to push away all the negative thoughts invading my mind. I looked to the medicine cabinet where I was sure something sharp was, but I quickly snapped out of my train of thought.

"_If this ever comes up again you may not be so lucky,_" the doctor's voice echoed in my head as I glanced at the fading scars on my wrists.

"I promised you Dad," I said quietly. My eyes brimmed with tears from the memory of that night. I shook my head, trying to clear those thoughts.

I took a deep breath and looked over to the shower. I then realized how gross I felt so I grabbed a clean towel and started the water. I made sure the door was locked before stripping down and stepping into the porcelain tub.

The warmth of the water helped clear my head and calm me down. I spotted an unopened bottle of the shampoo I used. I smiled when I picked it up and saw "For Autumn's head _only_!" written neatly on the cap. My dad must've let my mom in on my allergy to the majority of hair care products. My back broke out in a painful rash that had the potential to spread.

I squirted the blue liquid into my hands, the familiar smell of orchids and coconut milk making me sigh happily.

By the time I was done I felt much better. I wrapped a sea green towel around my body and froze. "Shit," I mumbled. In my emotional haste I had forgotten to bring in my pajamas. I eyed my old clothes and shook my head. They were gross and smelled bad, so there was no way I was putting those back on.

After a solid five minutes of debating in my head I cracked open the bathroom door and peeked out. Kendall and Carlos were still watching tv, but Katie had come over and was sitting on the floor. My parents were talking at the table, their backs turned away from me. I had no idea where Logan and James were, but I needed to get my pajamas.

I slipped out the door and flipped off the light. I looked around once more before quietly jogging to the safety of Katie's room. Unfortunately, I wasn't exactly looking where I was going and smacked into another body in the hallway.

I squeaked in surprise and hurriedly wrapped my towel into place. I looked over and wanted to die right on the spot. "_I just had to run into James of all people!_" I thought to myself. Part of me wanted to apologize, but another part of me just wanted to run into Katie's room and never been seen again.

He stared at me, his mouth hanging open, at a loss for words. I looked back, my eyes giant and my body rooted to the spot with fear. I heard the door open and (of course) Logan walked out.

"James, I heard a crash and I- WOAH!"

If possible, my face got redder. "Dude, it was all her, I swear. She pushed me over," James defended himself, snapped out of his trance. I gave him an incredulous look.

Logan laughed and made some comment about me, but I didn't hear it. I could feel tears burning and ready to escape. I yanked open the door, flew inside, and slammed it closed, sniffling and letting myself cry.

"_He was probably laughing at your ugly body,_" a voice taunted inside my head. I hiccupped and ran a pale hand through my hair. James and I used to be incredibly close. He taught me almost as much as my brother did, from swimming to riding a bike. (Actually, that was a conjoined effort of all the boys.)

_Flashback (9 Years Ago)_

"_Autumn, go on. You'll love the water," my dad said as he tried to coax me into the Garcia's pool. I shook my head and gave a tiny 'no' in response. _

"_Sweetie, what if you wear your arm floaties?" my mom asked. _

"_Uh-uh!" I protested. There was no way I was getting in that water. _

"_Bubbles, c'mon! It feels great in here!" Carlos called out from the pool where all four boys were swimming happily. I shook my head yet again with a tiny frown on my face. Couldn't they see I wanted to stay where it was dry?_

_After ten more minutes of trying to get me in, I was still standing on the sidewalk. "I give up," my dad sighed. My mom nodded in agreement and sat back in her chair. I looked down at my tiny feet, happy that I wasn't going to be forced into the pool, but guilty that I made my parents frustrated_

"_Autumn, are you sure you don't want to get in?" James asked me. I nodded. _

"_I'm afraid," I admitted. _

"_Afraid of what?" _

_I paused, my reason sounding almost silly now that I thought about it. "I'm afraid that I'm gonna drown."_

_James gave a small laugh. "Autumn, you're not gonna drown. What if I hold you?"_

_I perked up at that idea. "Really? You would do that Jamie?" I asked excitedly. He nodded and I skipped over to the steps. My mom elbowed my dad and pointed over to this scene. _

_I hesitantly took a step in and James nodded. I stepped further into the cool water until I was lifted and held against a warm body. I squeaked and clung on for dear life. _

"_Bubbles, I'm not letting go," James promised with a laugh. I gave him the "you better not!" look and relaxed slightly. _

"_Are you sure I'm not too heavy?" I asked after five minutes. _

"_Pshh, of course not," James replied like I weighed nothing. _

"Eight-year olds,_" I thought with an eye roll. _

_We stayed in the pool for three hours and James never once let go of me. "Mommy, I love swimming!" I said happily as she wrapped me in my favorite blue towel covered in multicolored fish. _

"_I'm glad honey. Did you have fun with James?" _

"_Yeah!" I responded eagerly. A big gust of wind blew, leaving me shivering. _

"_Let's go home and get this little girl in some warm clothes," my dad said as he scooped me up. I gave a shriek and a burst into a fit of giggles. Kendall pouted but obliged. _

"_Wait!" I said as I tried to get down from my dad's arms. He set me down and I ran over to James and attacked him in a hug. "Thank you so much, Jamie."_

_He looked down and hugged me back with a smile. "I had fun! It's like we said last year: we'll always be here for you." _

_Little did I know that at that moment my mom looked over and sent a look to Brooke Diamond. Also, unknown to me, they had been making bets on when we would become a couple._

I blinked several times and came back to present day. I looked at the clock and saw it was 8:30, but I felt exhausted. "Stupid California time," I muttered. I looked down and saw I was still just wrapped in a towel, so I decided it would be in my best interests to get dressed.

I shook out my wet hair as soon as I was properly clothed and opened the door to hang up my towel and brush my teeth. I walked through the kitchen, making sure to keep my gaze down.

"Autumn, do you want to watch a movie with us?" my mom asked as soon as I was done. I looked over and saw Katie curled up next to my brother; the perfect sibling picture.

"I'm actually really tired, so I think I'll head to bed," I replied. I _was _tired, but I really just didn't want to be taunted with the fact Kendall loved Katie and not me.

"Alright sweetie, goodnight." Nobody made a motion to say anything else, so I took that as my cue to leave.

"Barely wanted at home and not wanted in my family. What a way to live," I muttered before falling asleep.

**Sorry it took so long! I really couldn't decide when to end it and so it's now over 2,000 words. (I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing…) So you guys found out a TON of stuff about Autumn's history, but it's not crystal clear just yet. Also, I know the guys (especially Kendall) seem very ooc, but that'll be explained! Fun fact: I felt super weird writing the part when James and Autumn run into each other, but it reminded me of **_**The Proposal. **_

**James: I didn't appreciate that.**

**Me: When did you get out of the pantry?**

**James: Your mom went to look for something and freaked out when she saw me in there, so I took advantage of that time.**

**Me: Ugh, now you have to back to the sandbox!**

**James: WHAT? NO!**

**Me: Well readers, I'm going to go tie James back up, so bye! I love you all! Oh, and don't hesitate to review[;**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hiya guys![: I actually don't have much to say right now, so I'll see you at the end of the chapter. (That makes it sound like a huge and difficult task…)**

**Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Big Time Rush!:D **

It had only been three days but it felt like three years. I tried to stay out of my brother's way and follow my dad's rule, I really did. When my mom and dad were in the apartment it was alright, but once they left my self esteem went with them. _Everything _I did was wrong to the four boys and all I could do was look down and keep myself from crying.

"Is it alright if I sit here?" I asked as I pointed to the seat across the table from Logan. I really needed to work on my summer assignment for my honors English class and it was really peaceful and quiet at the table.

He looked up and a disgusted look crossed his face. "No. I need as much concentration as I can."

"Well so do I," I said with a tiny smile. "I have to read the _Crucible _for my summer English assignment and I need a working environment or else I won't get anything done."

Logan gave me an incredulous look before bursting out into uncontrolled laughter. "You…The _Crucible_?" he gasped out in between laughs.

"What's so funny?" I asked with a frown. Honestly, I wasn't super smart, but I managed straight A's and the occasional B+. (Mostly in math or science.)

"You paid somebody to put you in a higher English class, didn't you? We all know you're not smart enough to read something like that."

At that comment I turned around and began to walk to Katie's room, feeling dejected. I dug around until I found my iPod and sunglasses. "I'll just work outside," I mumbled as I left the apartment and made my way to the elevators. I punched the little down arrow and waited patiently for the doors to open.

"I'm not dumb, am I?" I asked softly as I got in the small space alone. I pressed the little star, signifying the lobby and the doors closed. "I can't even manage straight A's like all my friends." The doors opened yet again and I stepped out into the sunny lobby. As I walked through I could hear screams of delight and splashes coming from the pool. I shook my head and stuck in an ear bud, not caring what I listened to as long as I could tune out the outside world.

I walked to the park and found an empty table where I could work peacefully. Luckily there was next to nobody there. I let out a sigh of relief and opened my book, ready to immerse myself in the Salem Witch Trials.

About an hour later I was just about ready to throw my book against a wall so I closed it and gathered up my papers. I stood up and started to make my way back to the apartment when I heard a familiar voice talking.

"It's just stressing us all out with her being here," Kendall's voice spoke. I looked around before hiding behind a tree.

"Dude, I know. She just needs to get the hint that we don't want her here," I heard James reply. I winced in pain, knowing they were talking about me.

"She's changed and not necessarily in a good way." Logan added.

"Not her hair," James laughed. "I thought it would change with age, but I guess not. It'll always be the same tangled mess you can't do anything with." I frowned and lightly touched my head. Maybe if I actually straightened it people wouldn't laugh.

"Let's not forget how pale she is. She kind of looks like a speckled ghost," Carlos chuckled. I heard the other three boys laugh in agreement. I looked at my left shoulder, taking note of all the freckles adorning the pasty skin.

"_There are ways to get rid of those, right?_" I thought desperately.

"At least neither Katie or I got those traits. Except for those damn green eyes," Kendall muttered the last part. I scrunched my eyebrows together, now curious about what they had to say about my eyes.

"I can't say they're ugly because they would be insulting you," Carlos pointed out. Unconsciously a small smile graced my lips.

"Yeah, what's so bad about them?" Logan asked.

There was a brief pause before my brother answered. "It's the only thing reminding me that we're related."

I stood there, my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide from shock. I guess I shouldn't have been this surprised, but actually hearing it from his mouth took me off guard. I should've left at that point. I should've saved myself from hearing more hurtful words, but once you hear a little bit you become curious as to what all the other people think. In all honesty though, I should've been long gone by this point because the next topic they brought up made everything I had been trying to forget about come right back up in just a few short minutes.

"Have you guys noticed how much she eats?" I didn't hear who asked it, but I didn't care. My heart stopped beating.

"Yeah, she does look heavier than when we last saw her," James replied to whoever asked the question. My breathing became shaky and my jaw started trembling. I didn't hear the rest of that conversation. I remembered hearing their voices grow fainter and fainter until they were gone and me breaking down into sobs.

"I-I'm so f-fat and ugly," I whimpered softly. I didn't even think at the moment that maybe something had made them all angry or stressed and they just needed to let out steam without thinking. I didn't think about how I would be heavier since the last time they saw me because I was finally getting over my anorexia. They saw me at my smallest and at my most unhappy. No, I didn't think about any of those things.

My phone buzzed and I looked at it numbly. I opened the message from my dad telling my dinner was ready and I needed to be home in five minutes or else he was going to send search dogs after me. I stood up, grabbed my school assignments, and walked all the way back to my apartment, not even bothering to take the elevator.

I opened the door to find everybody already sitting at the table. I looked down, my cheeks burning from embarrassment. "Sweetie, there you are!" I heard my mom sigh with relief. I set down my book on the counter and silently took a seat in between Katie and my dad.

"Where were you at, hon?" he asked while pushing my plate of meatloaf and green beans toward me.

"Just out working on my summer assignment," I answered quietly. I took my fork, about ready to dig in because I was starving, when James's voice echoed in my head.

"_Yeah, she does look heavier then when we last saw her._"

I gently set the utensil down and opted to take a drink of water instead. My mom took notice of that action and a motherly look crossed her face.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked.

"Nothing," I paused. "I'm just not that hungry tonight, that's all."

"Do you feel sick?"

I shook my head. "Actually, I just want some alone time. I'm really tired."

My mom nodded and patted by back as I stood up. My dad flashed me a concerned look which I brushed off with a reassuring smile. He squeezed my hand before I went to Katie's room.

I closed the door and slid down the wall, ignoring how hungry I was. I glared down at my stomach before my eyes caught sight of a magazine poking out from underneath my sister's bed. (No doubt something she wanted to keep hidden.) I crawled over and gently pulled it out.

I took one look at the young model on the cover and wanted to cry. She was absolutely gorgeous with her straight black hair, icy blue eyes, tan skin, and tiny waist. I frowned and thought of my thick hair, probably tangled and monstrous after just an hour and a half. I lightly touched her arm before moving to poke one of the many freckles on mine.

Her eyes were light and happy, something I didn't feel at the moment. My heart dropped when I remembered Kendall's words on our identical eyes. I sniffled, wondering why I couldn't have blue or even brown eyes.

Finally, I went to stare at how thin and beautiful her figure was. Tears leaked out of my eyes when I went to place a hand on my stomach, upset over the fact I wasn't that small. "_If I got there once I can get there again_," I vowed through my tears. My heart was so heavy pain that I didn't know what to do. I fell to the floor and let my tears fall.

After about five minutes I was just sniffling. Then I made a horrible realization: I had a brand new razor in my suitcase. I hesitantly crawled over and unzipped the smallest compartment and pulled out the thing I once used as my lifeline. I took the plastic off the blades, now exposing the sharp metal. I brought it to my forearm, letting it hover there as I debated everything in my head. In the end, my emotional pain outweighed everything else.

I pressed down and dragged the razor across my pale skin, closing my eyes at the pain it caused. I took a shuddering breath and opened my eyes to find bright scarlet blood trickling from a long cut. Just as it had a little over a year ago, the pain in my chest lightened as my physical pain took over. I sighed, feeling guilty, but I promised myself it wouldn't happen again… Or so I tried.

I flipped over on my makeshift bed, waking up a tiny bit. I glanced at the clock to find it was 3:23 in the morning. I closed my eyes, about to fall back into the land of dreams when I heard a cry from the bed above me. I paused, thinking I had just heard something. When it came about seven seconds later I knew it was real. I was just about to get up to find out what was wrong when the door opened and Kendall beat me to it.

I closed my eyes shut, hoping he would think I was asleep. It must've worked because he didn't say anything.

"Hey, what's wrong baby sister?" he asked, his voice full of nothing but concern.

"I h-had a nightmare," Katie answered softly. I heard the shifting of somebody and the rustle of blankets.

"Do you want me to sing to you?" I assumed my sister nodded when I didn't hear any noise because soon the song "Worldwide" was being sung ever so softly. I sighed softly and burrowed deeper into my blankets, remembering all the times Kendall would sing me back to sleep.

_My tiny eyelids flew open and I started crying. I was five years older and had been having a lot of nightmares in the early hours of the morning. Not wanting to wake my parents up again, I started sniffling softly. Being five years old, I couldn't read clocks and didn't know what time it was, but it was dark out, and that was all I needed to know. _

_My door swung open quietly and my brother snuck in. He climbed into my bed and hugged my tightly. "Another scary dream?" he asked quietly. I nodded and hiccupped. Gently, he tucked me in and started to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I had recently gone through a _Wizard of Oz _phase and that song was one of my favorites. _

_My eyelids fluttered closed and my breathing became even. I vaguely remembered hearing a soft "I love you, little one" before a fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. _

I flipped over and tried to fall back asleep, but that memory made it very difficult. I peeked up to see Kendall and Katie asleep together on her bed. I felt a pang in my heart. I stood up and tiptoed out to the bathroom.

The bright light took me off guard and made me squint a little. I sighed and stared at my reflection in the mirror. "Why did that night ever have to happen?"

**You made it through! Here's your complimentary muffin [: (It's to relieve all the angst you just read there.) So this chapter would've been out sooner but I had over half of it typed and my computer didn't save it! I was really sad because I worked so hard:[ So you guys know pretty much everything about Autumn's messed up life. (I'm so mean to her…) I'd very much like to thank these beautiful reviewers: Chey21, SophieMiller123, and winterschild11. You all get cyber cakes! (Not cookies, cakes!:D)**

**James: I want a cake. Why don't I get a cake?**

**Me: How do you keep on getting out of your hiding places? **

**James: You can't tie up THE James Diamond. **

**Me: Oh yeah? WATCH ME! Readers, where should I put him?**

**James: Don't answer that!**

**Me: Please do! Oh, and do you see that handy dandy little box right below? The one that lets you review the chapter? Yeah, it's feeling super lonely and it about to cry in a corner right now. C'mon now, don't let that happen. Show it a little love, please[:**


	5. Chapter 5

**I. Love. You. Guys. Let me tell you a story. I woke up at 3 in the morning the night I uploaded **

**chapter four because I was sniffling really bad and I just couldn't sleep very well. I reached over and picked up my iPod to check my e-mail (because I have one of them ther' fancy ones) and I nearly had a heart attack. Thank you everyone who has added me to their story alerts or anything along those lines! Cyber Oreos to molleytree, BigTimeKendallLover25, ZaynMalik-CarlosPenaLuver, Chey21, LunarFairyPrincess1989, AllyLynn321, and the three anonymous reviewers [: You all make me smile and keep me up for two hours in the middle of the night because I'm too excited to fall back asleep so I watch Big Time Rush Interviews on my iPod. (But that's another story…) This chapter is brought to you by brainstorming at 5 in the morning :D Well, this author's note is getting to be way too long, so I'm going to quit rambling…**

**Disclaimer: I own Big Time Rush. That's why I'm writing on Fanfiction. (note: sarcasm)**

Another three days had passed, marking the end of my first week in California. All I needed to do was survive two more and then I was home free.

Two weeks. In all actual reality, it wasn't that long. 14 days. 336 hours. You're asleep for a solid eight hours a day, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Not for me. Each day seemed to get more miserable than the next, as if Monday had to best Sunday, Tuesday had to do better than Monday, and so on. I managed to skip breakfast most mornings and lunch if nobody was home, and I ate almost nothing for dinner. I didn't do it intentionally sometimes, though. The temperature outside made me less hungry most days. When I didn't want people becoming suspicious I would occasionally eat an apple or some yogurt when they were around to reassure them in a fake way.

Sadly, I couldn't find a way to put down my razor. I wore my sweatshirt around almost everywhere to cover not only the ugly marks adorning my skin, but my weight loss. It was big enough that you really couldn't tell anything was happening to my body when I wore it. Whenever somebody would question it I would just say it was cold in the apartment.

I spent a lot of time with Katie. Mainly, we stayed in the apartment and hung out. There were the occasional times when we would go outside or around the city a little bit. Thankfully, the guys had to go to the studio more frequently so I didn't have to face them as much.

One late afternoon Katie and I were sitting on the bright orange couch while she taught me how to play Castle Bashers. I watched as she repeatedly pressed down on buttons on her Nintendo DS. I tried to follow her instructions, but video games tended to lose me after the first minute.

The door opened and in came the four boys that made my life miserable. Katie didn't tear her eyes from the virtual world in front of her at all, instead waving one hand in their general direction while still looking down. I looked up, blinked, then turned back to watching my little sister.

"How was your day, Katie?" Kendall asked. She paused the game and directed her attention to our older brother.

"It was good. Autumn and I talked a lot then I taught her how to play Castle Bashers."

I saw Kendall make a face and I immediately felt awkward. Katie didn't notice it and continued on excitedly. I sunk back into the couch and looked down.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" Katie asked. I looked around, realizing I had no idea where they ran off to.

"Mom told me they were going out tonight and wouldn't be back until late," Kendall answered.

"_Joyous,_" I groaned inwardly.

"Well, I have to go because I'm going out with Camille in," Logan paused to look at his watch. "Ten minutes." He spun on his heel and walked back out the door.

"_Why didn't he just stay in the lobby? And I thought he was the genius,_" I thought.

Kendall had a panicked look cross his face. "I totally forgot! I have a date with Jo tonight! Bye Carlos, James, and Katie!" He hurried out the door. I did a little eye roll at his obvious lack of saying my name.

Carlos looked down, a sheepish look crossing his face. "I'm about to sound like a broken record, but I have a date tonight too." We all turned to look at him, surprise coloring our features.

"With who?" James asked.

"Curly haired Jennifer," he admitted with an excited smile. He ran to his room and came out in less than two minutes wearing a nicer outfit than what he had been. "Later!" He called as he practically skipped out of the apartment.

Suddenly, a phone beeped and Katie looked down. She opened and read the text her phone received, letting out a little squeal. "Well, I'm going to hang out with Kyle! Bye James and Autumn!"

The apartment door slammed shut, enveloping the pretty boy and me in an awkward silence. I half expected his phone to go off and he would tell me he had a date, leaving me alone for the night. (Not that I would've minded, of course.) Instead, he plopped down where Katie had been on the couch and turned on the television.

I scooted away, his close proximity making me uncomfortable. I stood up, about to leave, when I felt a hand grab my wrist gently.

"Don't leave," he pleaded quietly, his hazel eyes soft. The sudden kind gesture took me off guard, leaving me to only stare at him with my mouth open. Ever so gently, he tugged my arm, my body falling back onto the orange couch.

"What are you doing?" I managed to ask. This was all too confusing for me to process.

He gave a sigh and let go of my arm. "I feel bad for the way I've been acting and I was hoping that we could hang out like old times." He looked so hopeful that I couldn't help but believe him.

I nodded and relaxed a bit. James smiled and stared flipping through the channels. After five minutes he was getting visibly frustrated and flung the remote down on the ground. I gave a tiny laugh and picked it up.

"Just so you know, remote abuse it on the rise," I joked. He laughed and stood up.

"I can see why. Are you hungry?" He asked. I shook my head, ignoring the grumbling of my stomach.

"Are you sure? I know how to make some pretty awesome pancakes."

I gave him a look. "It's 7:15 at night. Who eats breakfast foods then?"

"Uh, I do!" He countered. I giggled and ran my hands through my hair.

The rest of the night ended of being the best time I had in a long while. For a couple hours everything in my life just disappeared and was replaced with warm, happy feelings. That night I felt something I hadn't felt in years: hope.

It was going on 10:30 and I knew everybody would be home soon. I was just about to go to bed when warm arms wrapping around my waist stopped me. I turned around and was pulled into a hug. I smiled and hugged back happily, feeling nothing but safe and secure.

"Just so you know, tonight was amazing," James said as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. I blushed and bit my lip. "and I was wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow night."

I looked up, feeling nothing but surprise. I had been asked out before, but it always ended badly. I let myself smile slowly. "I'd love to."

He flashed a radiant smile that made me weak in the knees. "Fantastic! I'll leave directions to the place and we'll meet there. It's easier if I just come from the studio. Oh, and it's a nice place, so look pretty," he instructed with a wink before walking away to his room.

I stood in the middle of the hallway for a couple minutes, my mouth hanging open. It wasn't until the information fully sunk into my system that I broke into a chorus of laughs and skipped back to my room.

For the first night since coming to Los Angeles I fell asleep in a peaceful and happy mood, not waking up once.

**James's Point of View**

I silently cursed when Katie left the apartment, leaving only Autumn and me. I looked over to see her looking down awkwardly. A sudden idea hit me and I smiled. I pretty much threw myself down on the couch right next to her. She frowned and scooted away, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but here.

Sure enough, just five seconds later Autumn stood up to leave. Out of reflex, I grabbed hold of her wrist, begging her not to leave. Of course, I'd rather be alone but my plan wouldn't work out if she left.

She stayed, relaxing as more time passed. I treated her nicely, even apologized for the way I had been acting. She bought into everything I said or did without hesitation.

She was walking away to Katie's room at 10:30 and I knew I had to do it then or I would never get the chance. I quietly made my way over to her tiny body and hugged her from behind. She turned around and hugged me back.

"Just so you know, tonight was amazing," I told her as I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making sure to overdo it. A bright crimson colored her face and she bit her lower lip. I smirked, knowing I had her hooked. "and I was wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow night."

Autumn's face turned completely surprised and I was worried that she was about to reject me. "I'd love to," she eventually responded with a smile.

I gave a giant smile and told her that I would leave directions to the restaurant and would meet her there before going back to my room, a victory dance playing in my head.

"_Poor girl won't know what hit her," _I thought before drifting off to sleep.

**Autumn's Point of View**

I woke up the next day, slightly disoriented. I looked at the clock to see it was 10:46. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, finding my sister not in her bed. I made my way out to the kitchen and my excitement levels shot through the roof when I saw the paper folded neatly on the counter top with my name on it. I practically ran over to it, nearly falling on my face because I forgot I had socks on.

I opened it up and saw a map to a nice Italian restaurant and a small note written below. I read it over and smiled when James said how excited he was.

"What's that?" asked a voice behind me. I gave a small yelp and jumped.

"Katie, you scared me!"

She smiled and gave a laugh. "I'm sorry."

I returned the smile. "It's just directions to the place I'm going out to tonight."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're going out? With who?"

I bit my lip and looked down. "James."

I heard a squeal of excitement before I was attacked in a hug. I was surprised when it was my mom that was losing it instead of my sister. "I knew it! My baby's dating! We need to go out and get you a dress." I didn't have time to get in two words before my mom had grabbed her purse and we were going to the elevators, me still in my pajamas. The other two females were bouncing up and down in excitement so much I was afraid the car would just stop.

We ended up at the mall for a couple hours, finding the most amazing dress I had ever seen. It was a teal, one-shouldered dress that came down just above the knee with a silver piece of ribbon going across the midsection.

I managed to hide the scars by keeping my arms behind my back while still making it look natural. By the end of the day, I felt like I was about to fall over. I now fully understood the meaning of the line "shop 'till you drop".

We made our back into the apartment. "What time is your reservation at?" Katie asked.

"6:45," I answered, knowing I had to leave in an hour and a half.

"We need to get to work then!" My mom exclaimed and she pulled me to the bathroom, sitting me down in a chair that was already conveniently there. She wasted no time in yanking my hair down from its ponytail and heating up the curling iron.

After what seemed like forever, my mom stepped back, proud of her work. Of course, she wouldn't let me see until I had my dress on. I stood up, stretching out my sore legs and made my way back to Katie's room. I stripped down and put on the beautiful piece of fabric. Carefully, I stepped into the matching silver heels and put in a pair of earrings. Finally, I grabbed my foundation and covered up the ugly red marks on my arms.

I stepped out the door and my mom looked like she wanted to cry. I gave her a confused look, which she answered by taking me to a mirror. I gasped and reached out to touch the reflective surface. My auburn hair was up in a bun with the ends curled, my bangs hanging freely to the side. Somehow, the makeup applied made my green eyes stand out and freckles actually looked cute.

I gave a tiny half smile before going to hug my mom tightly. "Thank you so much," I whispered. She kissed my forehead and tucked my bangs back behind my ear.

"Wow, you look so beautiful," Katie breathed. I smiled and crouched down.

"Not without your help," I told her. She smiled and gave me a tight hug. Suddenly, the door opened and my dad walked in. I stood up and gave a tiny laugh when his eyes landed on me. He knew perfectly well I was going out.

"What happened to my little girl?" He asked softly. I walked over and took his hand.

"She's right here, Daddy," I promised. He smiled a half-hearted smile and squeezed my hand.

"You look absolutely stunning, Autumn," He told me, tears in his eyes. Like my mom and Katie, I wrapped my arms around him and gave my dad a tight hug.

"We have to get going!" My mom said in a panicked voice.

"Have fun, sweetie," my dad said and he let go. I looked over to Katie to see her nodded in agreement. I grabbed my purse which held money, my phone, and the directions.

I made my way out of the apartment, butterflies in my stomach. I was absolutely pumped, but nervous at the same time. "_Calm down, Autumn. What's the worst that could happen?_" I thought with a tiny eye roll.

"Your dad, Katie, and I are going to be out at a movie tonight, but if you need anything, just call," my mom reminded me as I stepped out of the van.

"Ok, mom."

"Have a good time, sweet heart," she told me before driving away. I took a deep breath and walked through the doors, my eyes sweeping the crowd for a certain tall brunette. I didn't see him, so I sat down at one of the chairs in the waiting area, figuring Gustavo had just kept him late. I checked my phone for any messages but didn't see any.

I sat there for a while, growing more uncomfortable by the minute. I checked my phone yet again, no new messages, but it was now 8:03. I frowned and decided to call James. I dialed his number, my frustration growing when it went straight to his voicemail. I decided to wait it out a little longer, still giving him the benefit of the doubt.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but we have to close now," I kind woman said gently. I looked up, tears about ready to fall. I stood up and dialed in my mom's cell phone number. I waited anxiously until she didn't pick up. I tried my dad's number but he didn't pick up either.

I walked outside, realizing I had to walk home. By this time it was 10:30 and raining heavily. I pulled out the map and tried my hardest to read it through the rainfall and my tears.

About 45 minutes later I had managed to navigate my way back to the Palm Woods, shivering and sopping wet. Numbly, I took the elevator up the apartment and opened the door. There sat all four boys happily playing video games.

"You set me up," I said just loud enough for them to hear. Slowly, the game was paused and their attention was directed to me. I must've looked pretty pathetic because they took one look at me and burst into laughter.

"You don't think I would actually go out with you, do you?" James managed to get out. That just made the other three laugh harder.

"Who would want to go out with her?" Kendall asked. I felt heat rush to my face. Before I knew it, they were practically on the ground from laughter. I sniffled and sprinted to my room, sobbing openly on Katie's bed.

"He's just like every other guy."

**Awww, poor Autumn:[ If a guy did that to me I don't think he would be alive the next day… Sorry this took me so long! I was at show choir camp for a couple days but I got to see Big Time Rush perform on the 5****th****! They were SO GOOD! Just so you know, the next chapter is going to be the climax, but I plan on another solid six chapters, so don't worry[:**

**James: Why do I seem like a giant jerk?**

**Me: HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE SHOWER?**

**James: Do we really have to go over this again?**

**Me: I should just shove you in the dog crate downstairs. **

**James: At least there are towels in there!**

**Me:** **Nope, not anymore! Alright guys, you see that review box down there? Yeah, it's just been sitting around all summer and is getting quite fat. Prevent review box depression and obesity! YOU can make a difference in the lives of review boxes everywhere!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Guys, I have exciting news! I HAVE THE SEQUEL ALREADY PLANNED! I'm so pumped for it because not many people have used this idea [: (that I know of…) Cyber snicker doodles to: ravenwashere, ZaynMalik-CarlosPenaLuver, ZaynMalikForeverYoung, Ileana, Anon and GhostGirl51. Oh, and if you thought the guys were jerks last chapter, just wait for this one. I know a bunch of you have been wondering what exactly happened between Autumn and the guys and I'm very happy to say it'll all get answered in this chapter. Oh, and this is has got to be my favorite chapter so far so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I-**

**Carlos: I want to do it!**

**Me: Go for it!**

**Carlos: Keynote123 doesn't own Big Time Rush! Can I have a snicker doodle now? *hopeful expression***

**Me: Eh, why not? Enjoy the chapter and I'll see you at the end!:D**

I stepped out of my soaking clothes and threw on my warm pajamas, wiping away tears every three seconds. I had been in a couple of relationships and they were all bad, but never once had I been stood up. I felt humiliated and ashamed in myself for even trusting James. "Stupid girl," I mumbled as I yanked down my hair, the curls long gone from the rain. I stood up to take my makeup off.

I looked in the mirror to find what looked like a drowned raccoon. My hair was all over the place and looked like I had just stepped out of the shower. My makeup had dripped around my eyes to make me look absolutely horrible. I grabbed a tissue and wiped the cosmetics away, still crying. I grabbed my brush and ran it through my hair, gritting my teeth when I hit a tangle.

I didn't bother brushing my teeth because I didn't want to face them again. I walked over to my bed and tripped, falling on the soft surface. I buried my head in the pillow and cried. (Although you would've thought all my tears would be gone by this point.)

My phone buzzed against my side. Weakly, I grabbed it to find a text from my mom. '_Sweetie, I just got your missed call. Is everything alright?_'

I sighed and responded with fake happiness. '_Yeah mom, it's nothing. I'm home and safe[: I'll see you soon!' _

Just twenty seconds later she replied with a '_Ok, honey. I'll see you in fifteen minutes :)'. _I hiccupped and threw my phone back on the ground. Tiredly, I pulled myself over to my suitcase and retrieved my razor.

Again, that nagging feeling telling me I shouldn't be doing this returned. Again, I brushed it aside, pulled up my sleeve and pressed down. As usual, the physical pain took my mind off the mental pain, but only for a couple seconds.

Seven times. I cut myself seven times that night. Each mark brought a new word to my mind. _Ugly. Fat. Unwanted. Unloved. Shameful. Untalented. Weird. _It was only when I was feeling light headed that I decided to stop.

I rolled my sleeve down, pressing the material to my arm to help stem the flow of blood. I tried to fall asleep, but negative thoughts just kept coming back to my mind. I must've been tossing and turning for a couple hours. Katie had long since come in and fallen asleep, dreaming happily in her bed.

I found sleep eventually, but not for long. Not an hour after I had dozed off I was sitting up in my bed, my breathing ragged and close to tears. Not wanting to wake my sister up, I snuck quietly out to the bathroom and fell against the bathtub. I had dreamed about that day again. That day was one I couldn't think of without losing. It changed all of our lives, and not for the better in some cases. I always tried to repress the memory and I had been successful for the past couple years.

Of course, my mind wasn't cooperating with me tonight and everything I had been trying to forget came rushing back.

"_Believe me when I say that I will fight to get legal custody of one of the kids," Kenneth Knight hissed to his wife. Jennifer glared back at him, the urge to slap her ex overwhelmingly strong. _

"_You can't just separate them like that! It's not fair to anyone!"_

_My little eight-year old body huddled into my brother's. "I'm scared," I whispered. _

"_Shhh, it's going to be ok little one," he murmured as he cradled me close. Kendall was the only one of us not terrified by our parents yelling. I felt my arms being gently pulled apart and my little sister curled into my lap, shaking. _

"_No matter what happens, we'll always be a family," Kendall tried to reassure us. Lie number one. _

"_Kendall and Katie have already told me they want to be with me!" I could hear my mom shout quickly followed by the sound of breaking dishware. I cringed into my brother and he wrapped his arms around me tighter. _

"_So that just leaves Autumn. I guess it's settled that she's coming with me," my dad said. I frowned and shook my head. _

"_I think that's up for her to decide, don't you think?" My mom pointed out coldly. _

_There was an awful silence. "She has one day to decide," my dad said before walking out the door. I turned and started crying to Kendall's chest. _

"_I d-don't wanna have t-to decide," I hiccupped. _

"_Just give it some thought, ok? Nobody's going to be mad over your decision," he said gently. Lie number two. I nodded and carefully lifted Katie off my lap. She looked at me with those giant brown eyes that made me want to cry. _

"_Are you leaving?" She asked softly. I shook my head. _

"_I don't know what I'm going to do yet, Katie-Kat," I answered as I stood up. I really didn't want to talk to anybody at the moment so I went to my room, locked the door, and buried myself under my covers. _

_Now, I may have only been eight years old but I knew how to weight pros and cons of situations. (All thanks to a certain smart raven haired boy.) A knock on the door interrupted my train of thought. _

"_Sweetie, it's Mom."_

_I sighed and rolled out of bed to unlock the door. "Yes?" I asked quietly. She gave me a tiny smile and went to sit down on my bed, patting the spot next to her. I padded over and sat down. _

"_I'm assuming you heard everything?" She asked as she put her arm around me. I nodded and gave a tiny sniffle. _

"_I don't want to decide. I love both you and Daddy."_

"_Just give it some thought. We'll all understand what you decide," she said like Kendall had. By the way she was talking it sounded like she had already won and I was going to stay here with here. _

"_Ok," I nodded. My mom kissed my forehead and left. I let out a giant breath and fell back against my pillows. _

"If I stay I'll get to be with Kendall and Katie, plus Carlos, Logan, and James, but then Daddy will be all alone. If I go with Daddy then I have to leave behind everybody I love. I don't like this!_" I thought unhappily. This was too big of a decision to make in one day!_

_I woke up the next day, my decision very clear in mind. I had spent a ton of time thinking about it and I knew what I wanted to do. _

_I hesitantly made my way down the steps to see Carlos, Logan, Kendall, and James watching cartoons. I walked over quietly and wedged myself in between Logan and James. The taller boy didn't have to look down to know who it was before he pulled me close to him. _

"_Good morning, Bubbles," Logan greeted, his voice slightly tense. Kendall must've told him what happened the night before. _

"_Morning," I mumbled. I snuggled closer to James and directed my attention to the television, not really paying attention. I was just savoring the moment, taking it all in._

"_Boys, Autumn, I made pancakes!" My mom called. The television was excitedly turned off and chairs were happily taken. We ended up putting in three extra chairs since Kendall's friends were over enough. I took a seat next to Kendall and Carlos, nervousness taking over my body. My dad sat at the head of the table and my mom took the other end. _

_There was happy chatter between the four boys and Katie for a couple minutes until I decided to be the kill-joy. "Can I say something?" I asked timidly. Everybody just stopped, knowing what was coming. _

"_Go ahead, hon," my dad urged, sounding uneasy. _

_I looked down for a couple seconds before speaking. "I want to go with Dad," I said extremely softly. _

_Nobody moved or made a sound. A thick tension enveloped the air, practically strangling me. "You're _what?_" Kendall asked, his voice incredulous. _

"_I'm going with Dad," I repeated, now scared. I peeked up to see an uncharacteristic glare on my brother's face. I shrunk back. _

"_No you're not!" It was now James that spoke. He looked really angry and hurt. _

"_You can't do this!" Kendall shouted. _

"_Boys, enough," my mom cut in sharply. All four looked pretty livid. "Autumn, we can help you pack if you want." I nodded sadly, not knowing the worst had yet to come. _

_We finished eating in silence. I scooted back from the table, about to go up to pack. My dad grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze and a tiny smile. He was happy I had chosen him, but he wasn't about to go brag about it. _

_I forced a smile back and climbed the stairs one last time. I stepped in my room and the full weight of my decision fell on me. I really did want to go with my dad, but I was scared. I would become the new girl and run the risk of not making any friends. I would have to start all over again. _

_I pulled out my suitcase and let out a sad sigh. In a few short hours I wouldn't live here anymore. I didn't know where I would live, but our cozy home wouldn't be it. I went to my closet and started yanking shirts off of their hangers. _

_A few minutes later the door opened and in walked the four boys, who didn't look particularly happy. _

"_You can still change your mind," Carlos pointed out hopefully. I shook my head. _

"_I want to live with my dad."_

"_Why?" Logan asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. _

_I gave a little shrug. "It seemed like the right thing to do. He would be all alone if I didn't go with him."_

_I heard Kendall scoff. "Who cares? You shouldn't go just because you feel sorry for him."_

"_I'm going with Dad and that's final," I said firmly. I folded a shirt and gently set it down at the bottom of my suitcase. "I can still visit." I was answered with silence. _

"_If you're moving away I don't think you should even bother seeing us again," Kendall suggested icily. I froze, my hands hovering below the shirt I was about to grab. _

"_You said we would always be a family," I pointed out. _

"_That was when I was almost positive you were going to stay here. How could you do this to us?"_

"_You said you wouldn't get mad at my choice!" I yelled. My head was trying to figure out why he had suddenly gone back on every promise he made to me the night before. _

"_Well I don't want to see you ever again! None of us do!" My brother shouted back. I ripped another shirt down. _

"_I think you're friends can talk for themselves."_

"_Kendall's right. I don't want to see you again," James spat angrily. Logan and Carlos nodded behind him. My mood suddenly changed from upset to heartbroken. _

"_But we're supposed to be a family," I whimpered. _

"_Yeah, well, that changed when you decided to abandon us," Logan said with a frown. My lower lip started trembling. _

"_Can I just get back to packing?" I whispered. _

"_Yeah, whatever," Kendall muttered. They all turned around to leave, each one glaring at me individually. _

_I finished packing with a heavy heart. Within two hours my room looked empty. Everything was happening too fast for me to process. I walked out of my room and trudged down the stairs with my bags thumping behind me. _

"_Ready to go?" My dad asked when I hit the bottom. I looked down and nodded my head. We walked out and put everything in his large Volvo. (It looked more like a Station Wagon and could hold a ton of stuff!) I felt tears spring up into my eyes. _

"_Can I go say goodbye?" I asked. _

"_Of course," my dad replied. I made my way back into the place I had come to call home over the past eight years and almost lost it. My mom came into view, a sad smile gracing her features. She pulled me in for a tight hug, neither one of us wanting to let go. _

"_I love you so much. Remember that forever," she instructed with a kiss to my forehead. I nodded. _

"_I love you too."_

_Our hug was broken apart by loud crying and arm wrapping around my leg. "You can't leave!" Katie wailed. I gently pried her off and stooped down to her tiny height. _

"_I'll see you again, I promise. For now you have to be good for Mommy and remember I love you," I said quietly before hugging her. She squeezed back tightly and nodded her head into my shoulder. My mom lifted her off me and helped me get up. _

"_Boys, aren't you going to say goodbye?" She asked the four sulking in the corner. _

"_We already did," Kendall hissed. I frowned but still stepped forward hesitantly for a hug. They all glared and rejected my action. Knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere, I turned around. I'm pretty sure my heart broke into a million little pieces that day. _

"_I love you guys," I said as I looked up a little. None of them responded or moved an inch. I let my head drop and walked back out the door to my dad's car. He gave me a gentle smile and opened the door for me. Dejectedly, I stepped in and buckled my seatbelt. My mom and sister came out the door to wave goodbye one last time. _

_My dad started the car and backed out of the driveway. I waved back sadly, about ready to cry. It wasn't that I was leaving (although that was part of the reason), it was that the four boys I called my brothers now hated and wanted nothing to do with me. _

_We ended up driving all the way to Columbus, Ohio and stayed with one of the dad's friends for a while until he bought his own house. He got a job easily and made out well. (Being a neurosurgeon defiantly had a nice paycheck.) I should've been happy. I had everything you could ask for: a big house (with a pool), good friends, pretty good grades, I was always fed, I had nice clothes, but I was miserable. I tried calling home so many times, only to get rejected. I gave up trying after a while and accepted the fact they hated me and choice I made. I knew deep down in my heart it would be a miracle if they were to ever forgive me. _

I took a deep breath and stared back in the mirror, realizing how truly awful I looked. I wiped away tears and went back to Katie's room. I lowered myself back on my bed and closed my eyes once again, surprised when sleep actually took over.

I woke up the next morning feeling exactly as I had been the night before. As usual, the apartment was empty. The boys were at the studio, Katie was at the pool, and my parents were out doing whatever it was parents do.

I frowned, upset over the fact nobody seemed to want to be around me anymore. I tried to be happy in front of them, I really did. Katie seemed to be the only one who tried to spend time with me. Even my mom and dad got rid of me every chance they got.

I sat down on the couch and started to cry. I furiously wiped away the tears with the back of my hand, getting mad at myself. "_Why do I always cry? I'm just too weak._"

I sat back, biting the inside of my cheek to stop my tears. With a shaking hand, I turned on the television. I quickly turned it off when I knew I wasn't going to find anything to watch. I got up and went to Katie's room to retrieve my laptop.

I sat down on the couch again and turned on the slow thing. Again, I waited through all the pop-up balloons and for them to clear before I opened up the internet. I checked my e-mail and Facebook for the first time in a couple weeks. My newsfeed was pretty full so I read through everything for a while before logging out.

There was only one last thing I wanted to check so I typed in the address for my band director's website and clicked the link to the marching band page. I sighed with annoyance when the show music was still yet to be uploaded. I was in the running for a mellophone solo, but he had already given it to me before school let out. (Nobody else had it so I felt pretty special.) However, I still wanted to get a head start on the rest of the music.

I exited out and closed the lid gently. I knew I wasn't going to find anything else to do, so I turned the television back on and eventually found a movie to watch.

It didn't matter, though, how hard I tried to take my mind off of the thoughts I was having. All I could think about was how worthless I was and how nobody wanted me. I tried, but in the end I had to give in and agree with the voice saying those things.

It was now 5:00 and the boys had returned. I looked up from my laptop and my heart dropped. It was only the four of them plus me and they looked pretty tired from the long day.

"What are you doing here?" Carlos questioned unhappily.

"I-I was just about to leave," I stammered. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Of course you were. You're always leaving, aren't you?" He spat out. I cringed back, almost dropping my laptop.

"You know what? I'm glad you left. Nobody wanted you anyway," James said with narrowed eyes. My breathing got shaky and I tried to leave.

"I'm trying to figure out who would want something as hideous as her," Carlos laughed. I bit my lip and my fingers twitched.

"Autumn, just think of it this way: we never spent time with you because we wanted to. We did it because we had to. Nobody else would do it and maybe we felt bad." Kendall shrugged. "We don't love you and never will. Everybody would be so much happier if you weren't here."

At those words I walked back to Katie's room, a scary calm taking over. I couldn't feel anything. I didn't know what I was doing. Their words kept on replaying in my head and suddenly I just cracked. I started throwing things, sobbing all the while.

"_He's right, though. Nobody would be sad if you weren't here. In fact, they would all be happy,"_ the voice pointed out. I took in shaking breaths and searched around for a piece of paper and a pencil. I sat down and started writing, pouring out everything to everybody.

I folded the paper slowly and addressed the front. I set it on top of my pillow, knowing somebody would find it. I heard happy chatter coming from the kitchen.

"_You see that? Happy without you._"

I took a breath, the same calm taking over my body. I unzipped the pocket of my suitcase and pulled out my beautiful razor. I pulled off the plastic, odd warmth filling me. I felt hopeful knowing I was about to do the world some good.

I pushed the deadly metal against my wrist and dragged heavily. I watched the bright red blood pour out before repeating the process with the other wrist. I dropped the razor when I felt myself getting lightheaded. Black spots started to dance across my vision as I fell back onto my blankets. I heard knocking from the door, but I just sat there peacefully.

Knocking turned to rattling but it was all becoming fuzzy. I could hear the door burst open and the shrill scream of my sister sounded. Blackness continued to pull me under. I heard footsteps and panicked voices.

"Call 911!" I heard Logan shout out frantically.

"Oh god, this is all my fault! Little one, please tell me you can hear me! I can't lose you!" My brother's broken voice sounded. I felt my body being pulled into warm, protective arms and held against a chest.

"I love you so much, please don't leave me," was the last thing I heard before the darkness took over completely.

**General Point of View**

"Katie, can you please go get Autumn and tell her dinner's ready?" Jennifer Knight asked. Her daughter nodded and made her way down the tiny hallway.

"Hey, sis, it's dinner time!" She called through the wood, only to be met with silence.

"Autumn, dinner!" She repeated with a firm knock. Again, there was no response. Katie got worried and tried to open the door, only to find it locked. Now in a state of panic, she pulled a bobby pin out of her hair and used it to pick the lock, yanking the door open.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. There, on the ground, was Autumn unconscious and bleeding heavily from her wrists. Katie let out a scream, attracting the attention of everybody else. They all came running and froze with what they saw. Kendall grabbed the door frame for support, his eyes giant.

"Call 911!" Logan managed to instruct.

"Oh god, this is all my fault! Little one, please tell me you can hear me! I can't lose you!" Kendall ran over to her limp form and cradled her against his chest.

"I love you so much, please don't leave me," he pleaded, tears in his eyes. He drew in a ragged breath and brushed a piece of hair out of her ghostly white face.

"Kendall, we need to get her to the paramedics," his dad said gently.

"I can't leave her," he protested with a shake of his head. Before he could do anything else Autumn was pulled out of his grasp. Kendall fell where his sister had previously been, his body shaking. His mom went over and lightly touched his back.

"It's out of our hands now," she murmured.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"I hope so."

**WOOOOAAAAHHH! Where did THAT come from? This is the longest chapter I've written so far and it took the least amount of time to get out to you lovely readers. (I feel bad for taking so long for the previous chapter.) Is Autumn going to live? Is she going to die? Hmmmm, life's toughest questions… **

**James: *Is too shocked to actually move***

**Me: Well that's a first!**

**James: Uh-huh…**

**Me: Well, I don't think he's moving any time soon! Don't forget to review because they make me smile and so incredibly happy[: (And it makes the review box happy!)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so sorry this took so long! I was distracted and had a hard time writing this chapter. I made it longer because you all were so amazing with the feedback you gave to the last chapter! I really do love you guys and don't doubt it! (I hope you know every time somebody reviews/ does any of the other things in the review box I creep on their profile. Incentive, anybody?:D) Cyber sugar cookies to: GhostGirl51, whitewolf1992, ravenwashere, ZaynMalik-CarlosPenaLuver (hehe;), Dragon Paranormal, ZaynMalikForeverYoung (^_^), lolsmileyface6, wanna-bearockstar, Chey21 (:D), DieHeart228, Ileana, molleytree, and the four guests. Thank you all so much! Oh, and before I forget, here's a little challenge for the chapter: There are some BTR song lyrics used in this chapter and a reference to Rent the musical. See if you can find them!**

**Disclaimer: I don't-**

**Kendall: Carlos got to do it the last time and I want my turn!**

**Me: *sighs* I suppose…**

**Kendall: Keynote123 (or Emily if you prefer her actual name) doesn't own Big Time Rush.**

**Me: Eh. Do it with more drive next time!**

**Kendall: -.- **

**Me: ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

The mood in the waiting room was far from cheery. While everybody was sitting quite close together they couldn't have been farther apart. They had been sitting in the same positions for three hours now and news on the young teen had yet to come.

Carlos shifted uncomfortably and pulled out his phone. Normally he needed to be entertained but that was the last thing on his mind. He sighed and put his head in his tan hands. 

To say the four boys felt awful about this whole situation would be a huge understatement. While they didn't go and push the razor against her skin they knew they did something much worse. They threw mean words at her that went much deeper than any physical injury could ever go. Big Time Rush knew they were the indirect cause of Autumn's condition.

Logan stared at the ground, a million things running through his head. Just this morning the only thing he had to worry about was preparing for the big tour coming up, but that was the last thing on his mind now. There was a girl in this hospital that might be dead and it was all his fault. Each passing minute brought his mood down until it just wasn't there.

James was a wreck. From the moment they arrived at the hospital he wouldn't talk or react to anything. He wanted to hit himself repeatedly for everything he did.

"_If only I had known,_" he thought miserably. He knew, though, it shouldn't have mattered because nobody deserved to go through what Autumn did. She could be gone for all he knew.

Although everybody in the room was doing awfully, nobody compared to Kendall. He was curled up in a chair, his eyes red from crying. He had only cried twice before this and he always made sure nobody saw him. Right now, though, that didn't matter. Subconsciously, he was taking all the blame.

"This is all my fault," he moaned out, breaking the silence. His mom reached over and rubbed his back gently.

"Sweetie, this is nobody's fault. Autumn's going to be ok," she tried to reassure her son. Kendall shook his head and let more tears fall.

"But what if she doesn't pull through? What if I never get to see those beautiful green eyes open again? What if I never get to tell her 'I love you' one last time?" He asked, getting softer after each question. Mrs. Knight wrapped her arms around his body and continued to rub his back.

"Autumn Knight?" A tall doctor in a pure white lab coat called out. Mr. and Mrs. Knight stood up, their faces anxious.

"How is she?" Mr. Knight asked, all too familiar with the situation.

The doctor paused to look at his clipboard. "As of now she's sleeping. We've got her on some pretty strong drugs that'll keep her out for a solid ten hours more. Other than that, Ms. Knight is stable. She lost a lot of blood but you all got her here in time. Just one minute later she would've been gone." He paused, his face growing more serious. "After running some tests we found she's ten pounds underweight and there are many more scars covering her arms. Autumn seems to be suffering from anorexia nervosa and severe depression. We can put her on medication for the depression but she's going to have to be very careful of what she eats now. I would also recommend seeing a therapist."

The news hit everyone like a ton of bricks. Of course, they were relieved she was going to be alright, but hearing everything else killed the joy. Mr. Knight went to talk with the doctor more while everybody else sat down numbly.

"Unfortunately, visiting hours are over but we can allow one person to stay overnight in the hospital room," the doctor said after a couple minutes. They all looked around, silently debating who that one person should be.

"Can I please do it?" Kendall asked softly. His parents looked at each other and gave a tiny nod.

"Sure, sweetie. We'll see you in the morning," his mom said before kissing his forehead. Everybody else said goodbye with heavy hearts and left to the elevator.

"I can take you to her room," the doctor offered. Kendall stood up and followed behind the tall man before they arrived at a door. "If she wakes up and something is wrong, just press the button on the side of her bed and one of us will be there."

Kendall took a deep breath as the doctor walked away. Slowly, he opened the door and his heart broke. Autumn looked so tiny hooked up to all the tubes and machines, lying perfectly still. The only thing reassuring him was the steady beep of the heart monitor and the rise and fall of his sister's chest.

He walked over and took a seat in the old blue chair next to her bed. He reached out and took her tiny, pale hand in his. Autumn, of course, didn't move.

"I'm so sorry," Kendall whispered brokenly. "I didn't mean any of the things I said. I was hurt that you didn't stay with us and I happened to take that out in a horrible way. Those things I said were just flat out mean and cruel and nobody should ever have to hear what you heard. To be perfectly honest, you're one of the most beautiful and caring people I know. I was so scared I would never get to see those gorgeous green eyes look at me, or that beautiful auburn hair bounce around again. Little one, I hope you know how insanely pretty you are.

Of course I didn't mean anything against your mellophone or marching band. I can barely manage to sing and dance at the same time, so you have no idea how badly I would fail at marching and playing an instrument together. I've heard you're really good at it too. I hope I can see you perform sometime. You'll have to do extra well just for me, ok?

Maybe I was even the tiniest bit jealous of you. Dad clearly loves and knows everything about you. The life you live is completely normal. Don't get me wrong, I love being in Big Time Rush, but there are times when I wish we still lived in Minnesota. You don't have to constantly worry about what you're wearing or what you're doing. You can hang out with friends without the paparazzi bothering you. People don't use you for fame or money. They want to be with you because of who you are on the inside.

I wasn't thinking clearly these past seven years. I love you and Katie more than anything else on the planet. If I could do anything it would be to go back in time and take back every insult that drove you to this. You just have to believe me because I don't think I'd be able to live if you didn't pull through. I'll do whatever it takes for you to be happy and healthy again," Kendall finished, new tears rolling down his cheeks. He stared at his sister's sleeping form and stood up to place a soft kiss to her forehead.

Kendall let go of Autumn's hand gently and checked to see what time it was.

"9:30," he mumbled with a yawn. All the events from the day came crashing down on him and he realized how tired he was. Kendall somehow managed to curl up in a comfortable position in the chair and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight Autumn, I love you so much," he murmured before falling asleep.

**Autumn's Point of View**

I woke up to a horribly annoying beep and antiseptics burning my nose. "_This can't be what Heaven's like._" I thought. Slowly, I opened to eyes which felt like they weighed two tons each. I looked around in confusion when I saw I was in a dimly lighted hospital room. I turned to my right and saw a bedside table holding a lamp, a fake vase of flowers, and my phone. I scrunched my eyebrows together, wondering how it got there.

It felt like my brain was in a fog as I reached over to grab the small electronic device. I pressed a random button and the screen flashed on, unusually bright in the dark environment. I squinted my eyes and was dazed to find out it was 7:53 in the morning. I blinked rapidly and tried to clear my head.

I looked over to my left and nearly had a heart attack. I thought I was alone, but clearly I was wrong. On the chair next to my bed was Kendall sleeping in what looked to be a highly uncomfortable position. I was so freaked out I accidentally dropped my phone and it clattered against the guard rails on the bed and on to the carpeted floor. I cursed inwardly, knowing I had just made enough noise to wake up the average sleeper, something Kendall just so happened to be.

He blinked his eyes open and gave a small yawn. I rubbed my eyes and looked down awkwardly.

"_What's he doing here?_" I thought, very confused. I continued to look down, not wanting to look at him.

"Good morning," Kendall spoke softly. I sighed, refusing to meet his gaze. "Autumn, I know we're not on the best of terms, but we can make it bette-,"

"Make it better?" I questioned ever so quietly, my head looking up. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"Autumn," Kendall started and grabbed my hand which I promptly yanked back.

"You hurt me, and you just expect me to _forgive _you? I'm sorry, but that's now how it works for me. I'd really appreciate it if you left," I said, tears forming in my eyes. He looked like he wanted to say more, but decided against it. He flashed me one more heart broken look before walking out the door, leaving me in peace.

I looked down, feeling a tiny bit guilty. "_It doesn't mean I'm ready to forgive him, though,_" I thought with a frown. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and a young doctor walked in.

"Good morning, Ms. Knight," he flashed me a wide smile. "I'm Dr. Cohen. How are you feeling?"

"Uh, kind of dizzy," I answered.

He gave a small laugh. "That's because of the medication we put you on. It should wear off within a couple hours." He paused to check something on his clipboard. "Autumn, did you cut yourself?" He asked, his voice gentle.

I paused, biting the inside of my cheek. "I did," I admitted quietly.

"Why?" Dr. Cohen seemed so be genuinely interested. I looked down and played with the edge of my blanket. It was silent for a little while.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to," he said gently. I shook my head.

"I want to," I admitted. "But I don't know how."

The tall doctor gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and let it all out. "Everything was getting to be too much and stressing me out. I was hoping for a quiet summer to just relax from all that stress but my dad thought otherwise. He bought two plane tickets to Los Angeles for three weeks so we could visit my mom, sister, and brother because we haven't seen them for a while. I didn't want to go." I stopped.

"Why didn't you want to go?" Dr. Cohen asked. He seemed truly interested in what I had to say.

"My brother and I aren't on the best of terms because of a stupid mistake I made seven years ago. He and his three friends hate me now," I said softly, trying my hardest not to cry. "They started pointing out all my flaws and just made me feel awful about myself. It came to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and it just happened." I looked down; surprised I had just admitted everything to this man I'd known for about two minutes. I had trouble telling things to people I known for my entire life.

"Well, I'm no therapist, but I can tell you that what your brother and his friends did to you was wrong. They seemed very worried about you, though," he spoke. I shook my head.

"I don't care about them anymore. It's probably all an act."

"Ms. Knight, I can personally tell you that how they were acting wasn't fake. They really do care about you," the doctor tried to reason.

"I really don't want to sound rude, but I would rather not talk about them right now," I said, a sad smile gracing my lips.

"I understand," Dr. Cohen said, returning the smile. "Now, we're going to have to keep you until this evening just to make sure you're stable. I've already talked to your dad about medications, so that's all sorted out."

To be perfectly honest, I zoned out a bit after that. (I blame the medicine.) I remembered the doctor leaving the room and me grabbing my phone. (Which also doubled as my iPod.) I stuck in my ear buds and pressed on a random playlist and closed my eyes.

I hadn't even made it through three songs when my music was paused. I opened my eyes, surprised to see my mom and dad sitting on the old couch next to my bed. (It matched the lovely color of the chair Kendall was in earlier.)

"Sorry, sweetie, we thought you were asleep," my mom apologized. She was wearing a pair of sweats with her hair in a ponytail. She looked absolutely exhausted. My dad sat next to her, looking very similar, except I don't think he would ever be caught dead wearing sweats.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. I could tell they were both trying to keep from crying.

"I'm fine," I answered truthfully. I paused, hesitant to ask the next question. "How did you guys find me?"

This seemed to take my parents off-guard. My mom looked over at my dad, surprise written all over her face. He took her hand and gave a gentle squeeze. "Katie did, actually. She was really scared and when she screamed it got our attention. We were all so worried about you last night, hon."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Sweetie, we're just so thankful you're alright," my mom whispered as she reached out to take my hand. I smiled and applied a tiny bit of pressure back. I looked over at my dad and he looked like he wanted to say something else.

"Dad, what is it?" I asked softly. He looked at me, his eyes wide. I stared back with a questioning look on my face.

"We went back to the house last night and found your note," he admitted. My heart stopped. "Autumn, why didn't you come talk to one of us?"

My head felt like it was spinning. Being the over-emotional one I was, I had packed everything and every truth possible into that letter and now I had to face the consequences. "I wanted to," I started. "But you and Mom were always out and you looked so happy again. I didn't want to ruin that because of my problems. Please, don't blame yourselves for this, though. It wasn't your fault." I went up to scratch my cheek and was surprised when it came back wet. Of course I was crying again.

"Oh, Autumn," my mom murmured. She got up and wrapped her arms around me. I sniffled and returned the hug. She broke away with tears in her eyes. "We love you more than you know. Did you honestly think that would make us unhappy for the rest of our lives?"

"I guess not," I admitted. My dad gave a tiny smile and took the position of my mom.

"We're going to let you have some peace now, ok? Katie and the boys will be visiting later. Here's your laptop and I would check the band website again if I were you." my dad hinted as he kissed my forehead before he and my mom walked back out the door.

Unconsciously, I smiled as I turned on my computer. Like always, I sat through the annoying pop-ups and waited for the internet to load. I did as my dad instructed and clicked on the button for the band website. (Which I had made one of my favorites, of course.) I did a little mental squeal when I saw the new contest music had been uploaded.

I spent the next hour and a half excitedly learning the pieces. (To the best of my ability. The computer version of the music is never very pretty.) It was probably the highlight of my summer so far.

I had just exited out of the website when somebody knocked on the door. "Come in," I called out just loud enough for them to hear.

The door swung open and in walked Katie holding a gift bag.

"Autumn!" She looked beyond relieved to see me. She ran up and attacked me in a hug. "I was so scared you weren't going to make it." She looked back up and I could tell she had been crying.

"I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere," I murmured before I kissed her head. Katie scooted the chair closer to my bed and sat down.

"I'm not going to ask you how you're feeling because I'm sure you've heard it plenty today." She started. "I got you this, though." She handed me the bag. I took it from her and gave a gentle smile.

"Thank you so much, Katie," I said appreciatively. I pulled out a card and opened it to find a bunch written on the inside. I read through it, a smile on my face. She really was one of the sweetest sisters out there.

"I figured you'd get kind of bored today and Dad said you really liked doing it when you didn't have anything to do," Katie said, a little bit uncomfortable and anxious for me to open the gift. I pulled the tissue paper out to find a bunch of different nail polish colors, nail tools, a can of insta-dry, and anything else I could ever dream of.

"Oh my gosh, wow," I breathed. "Katie, I love it so much. Thank you!"

"You're welcome. Think of it as seven years of birthday presents," she gave a laugh. I leaned over and hugged her again.

She ended up staying for another two hours. We talked a bunch and I did her nails. (With my new equipment, of course.)

"Bye, big sister," she gave me one last hug before leaving to go get food. I sat back and pulled out my phone again. As odd as it may have sounded, I felt happy. For the first time in weeks I felt good.

That feeling was short-lived when my next visitor came. The door opened to reveal Carlos with a tray of food, balloons, another gift bag, and a stuffed giraffe. I was surprised he didn't drop anything.

"Hey, Autumn," he greeted me hesitantly. I just sat there and stared. "Ok, um, Dr. Cohen wanted me to bring this up to you." He went and set the food down on my bedside table. "And I got you these." He placed the balloons by the couch and held out the other two items. I looked at them before reaching out slowly to take the stuffed animal and bag.

"Thank you," I murmured. I looked over at Carlos. He stood there, urging me to go on and open the gift. I removed the tissue paper and saw a plethora of candy.

"I remembered when we would go to the zoo back in Minnesota and you would always beg your parents to go see the giraffes," He started with a smile. "and when we would go trick-or-treating for Halloween you always traded for these candies, so I hope you still like them."

I knew he had really tried to make me happy, but a part of me was still afraid he was about to laugh and make a comment about my weight if I ate the sugar. I wanted to forgive Carlos, but it was just too soon.

"Do you like them?" He asked hopefully. I stared at my lap containing the presents for a couple seconds.

"Um, yeah," I answered softly. I was so scared to say anything else.

Carlos's face fell. He knew I was lying. He quickly picked it back up. "Well I'm glad. I'm going to head out because I know Logan, James, and Kendall want to see you." He gave me a hug, making me stiffen up.

Carlos was quickly replaced with Logan. He gave me a tiny smile which I didn't return.

"Hey there, Bubbles," he greeted me.

"Hi," I responded awkwardly. God, I hated that nickname sometimes.

"Are you feeling ok?" He asked, sounding like a broken record. I simply nodded, avoiding eye contact. I wanted so badly to say more, but I knew it would sound stupid compared to anything Logan had to say.

"We're all really sorry," he said quietly. I met his chocolate brown eyes which were filled with nothing but regret. "What we did and said to you was awful. I'm so sorry it drove you to this."

I took a shaky breath. "I just don't know if I can believe you," I admitted ever so softly. A sad look washed over Logan's face.

"You have to. Autumn, we were all so scared that we lost you last night. These past seven years came crashing down on us and we realized how wrong we had been. All we want is for things to go back to the way they were," he took my freezing hands into his warm ones and I almost didn't pull back. Something about it made me feel like a little kid again.

"That's not going to happen," I argued. Logan looked at me in disbelief.

"Yes it can. Autumn, we love you so much-."

"No you don't!" I cried out. I was so scared this was all just an act and I didn't want to get my hopes up. Not again. "You, Carlos, James, and Kendall all hate me!"

"That's not true! God, we all love and care about you so much! I promise you, this isn't fake. Please try to understand that," Logan had tears coming out of his eyes. I looked at him sadly and shook my head. He gave a sigh and reached down to grab something.

"This is for you. I should really go," he whispered as he handed me a card and a book. He turned around and walked out the door, tears falling down his face the entire time. I set the card next to my untouched food and sadly looked at the book. I nearly burst into tears when I saw it was about the Salem Witch Trials. I opened up the front cover to see a sticky note. '_Thought this might help with your summer assignment._' It read. I let out a little sigh and let it drop to the floor next to the balloons.

I didn't need to know who it was when the door opened again. Besides my brother, he was the last person I wanted to talk to. I picked my phone out of my lap and opted to listen to music instead. I know it was a bit immature, but I was too afraid to think otherwise.

I felt one of my ear buds being gently pulled out. I tried to grab for it, but that doesn't always work out when you have an IV attached to your arm. (And it just ends up ripping out the other ear bud.)

"We need to talk," James said with a sad expression. Just hearing him speak to me with something other than mean words made me want to cry. I shook my head and turned to the other side, trying to keep my tears in. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder which I proceeded to shake away.

"Ok, I can understand why you're hurt. I don't blame you," James said. His voice was slightly off, like he was trying not to cry. "I would tell you it's ok if you never talk to us again, but I don't think I could handle that. When you left it killed me so much. I only came out of my room for the important things, like food or going to the bathroom. Logan, Carlos, Kendall, and I didn't talk for a couple days. That was the only time I had cried." His voice cracked and I knew by this point there was no stopping the tears for both of us. "We thought treating you the way we did would make you feel the pain we felt, but we took it too far. I still feel beyond awful for standing you up a couple nights ago. God, that's a huge understatement. You looked so beautiful, even soaked from the rain. I laughed with the guys, but all I really wanted to do was go up and hug you and apologize for hours." There was a pause.

"You probably don't want to listen to me right now, but this needs to be said. Autumn Marie Knight, You're one of the most amazing and talented girls I know. You're so pretty that it hurts. As corny as it sounds, you're a perfect original. I guess what I'm trying to get at is," I bit my lip as James took a shaky breath. "I love you more than you could ever think. I love everything about you. I love you more than in the brotherly sense and it took me this long to figure it out."

My mind froze. Those were the last things I wanted to come out of his mouth. He was lying. He. Was. _Lying_.

I flipped over, my eyes hard. "Get out," I hissed. James looked at me, his mouth open in shock.

"Autumn, please-."

"Get. Out." I repeated with more force. He looked at me for a couple seconds, his eyes red from crying, before he stood up.

"This is for you," James whispered sadly. He placed an envelope on my lap before leaving.

I closed my eyes and leaned back, my body shaking. "_I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry," _I kept on repeating in my head. I took a shallow breath and opened my eyes only to find the creamy white envelope sitting there. I tore open the flap slowly and pulled out the card with a teddy bear on the front. I rolled my eyes and opened it up and saw the longest note yet written in a tiny scrawl.

I closed the card, not really wanting to read whatever James had to say. I was about to put it back when something in the bottom of the envelope caught my eye. I gently pulled out the picture and nearly lost it again. I was a tiny three-year old sitting on James's lap while he kissed the top of my head. I flipped it over and saw something written on the back. '_Whenever I'm having a bad day this always makes me smile. I thought maybe it could have the same effect on you'_.

I put my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. This boy was impacting me in ways I really didn't want to be at the moment.

I heard the door open yet again. I looked up and locked eyes with Kendall. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I came to visit since you kicked me out this morning," he replied with a tiny smile which I didn't return.

"I really just want to be alone right now," I murmured. That wasn't a lie.

"Sorry little one, but that's not going to happen. I'm not leaving you," Kendall said softly before he sat down in the blue chair and gently grabbed my hands. I tried to pull away again, but he kept his grip and I was just too weak. As much as I didn't want to admit it, the contact felt nice. It made me feel little again when my mom would make us hold hands before crossing the street to get to Logan's.

I let my gaze drop and closed my mouth stubbornly. "Autumn, we're going to talk whether you like it or not," Kendall said firmly. I remained in my position, figuring he could start. I heard a sigh and grinned inwardly.

"I said a lot while you were asleep, but you didn't hear that," he said, his voice growing gentler. "What we did to you was unacceptable and I know that. Any apology I'm going to try to make will never be enough and I'll be lucky if you ever forgive me. I really wish things hadn't gone this far," he whispered the last part.

One of my hands was released so Kendall could pull something out of his pocket. I saw the familiar notebook paper and my heart monitor starting accelerating. A brief look of panic overtook my brother's face before comprehension took over. He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand reassuringly.

"Please don't read that!" I was really starting to freak out.

"I've already read it," Kendall murmured with a sad tone of voice. "We need to talk about it."

I shook my head and tried to pull my hand away again. My brother tightened his grip. "Autumn, please let me talk to you. I really don't want to have the other three guys come in and hold you down."

That threat made me sit still. Kendall relaxed his grip slightly and unfolded the dreaded note. "I know only Mom and Dad brought this up but I need to talk to you."

I just sat there and glared at him. "Little one, how can you think all this about yourself? You're not a waste of space or useless." His eyes started to get watery. "I know I've been the worst brother on the face of the earth for these past seven years. I'm going to change that, I promise. I'm going to learn everything new about you and all that's happened since the split. I swear to you, Autumn, nobody else is going to hurt you as long as I'm here."

By this time both of us were crying. "You're lying," I whispered with a sniffle. Kendall looked at me, hurt clear in his green eyes.

"Little one, I'm not-."

"Yes you are! That's all you've ever done to me! Those eight years before the split meant nothing to you at all. You even told me so," I countered. The rational side of me knew I was being ridiculous. The other side of me was so scared to forgive and love again.

My brother looked really upset. He was about to respond when Dr. Cohen walked back in the room. He eyed my almost untouched lunch and a disapproving look crossed his face. He quickly changed and sent a smile in my direction.

"Well, Ms. Knight, I'm going to take a final look at you and if all is good you're free to go," he remarked. Kendall released my hand but stayed stationary. I did a mental eye roll and let the doctor do whatever he was supposed to do.

Within twenty minutes I was back in my normal clothes and discharged from the hospital. I knew my life was about to become extremely difficult when I was getting in the car. Logan walked around to the driver's side, Carlos took shotgun, and lucky me got to sit wedged in between James and Kendall. (Who I think alternated keeping watch of me the whole ride back. WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY DO IN A FRICKEN' CAR?)

"_If this is what they regularly act like, I'd be better off with their insults,"_ I thought as I was pulled into the apartment by all four boys.

**And DONE! Good God, that was hard for me to write! (Major writer's block on this chapter. I'm hoping the length makes up for it:) These next couple chapters should be about Autumn making up with the boys one by one so that should be easier. **

**James: *Walks out eating fruit salad***

**Me: Where did you get that?**

**James: I don't think you realize the insane amount of fruit you have at your house**

**Me: Well it's not like I do inventory. Most sane people don't count their fruit**

**James: …Wait, they don't? LOGAN, YOU LIED TO ME! *Throws down bowl and runs out to my sandbox***

**Me: I hope he realizes I only keep Kendall in there. Logan and Carlos are still a work in progress… Anywho, keep showing that pretty little box some love[: (And comment to tell me if you found the song lyrics/ Rent reference.)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hiya guys! Long time no see, right? I'm so sorry! I've been at band camp, then my grandparent's house, then all this summer assignment crap! Ok, that's all I really have to say. Cyber chocolate chip cookies to: ZaynMalik-CarlosPenaLuver, ZaynMalikForeverYoung, ravenwashere, CatchingSparks, lolsmileyface6, GhostGirl51, Ileana, AllyLynn321, awesomeness5269, bigsisteraleh, EmiilyRae96, and the guest reviews. Thank you all so much!**

"Autumn, come on!" Carlos excitedly pulled me up the stairs to get to the top of the bright yellow slide. Currently he was the one on "Autumn-Duty" and he insisted on doing any and everything fun in the apartment.

"I'm getting really tired so I don't know if I want to-" I started to say, but was ignored by the short Latino. He pushed my back and I was sent tumbling down the slide. I flew out the bottom and into the floor in a dazed heap. I blinked a couple times before sending a glare upward. Carlos sent me a sheepish smile and flung his body down the plastic tube.

"That was fun!" He exclaimed as he landed perfectly. I remained on the floor, wishing the day was over. "Let's go again!" My eyes widened in terror before I was yanked up and forced to go down the swirly slide for the fifteenth time that day.

Yet another week had passed, leaving only seven days left of my "vacation". I had been out of the hospital for a grand total of five days and almost no progress had been made with the guys. The only one I was sort of not uncomfortable with was Carlos so the poor guy got stuck watching me a lot. (He never complained though. In fact, I think he took it more as a personal challenge.)

There was something about the fun-loving Latino that made me feel more at ease as opposed to the other three. Carlos tried really hard to make sure I was having a semi-fun time. Logan sat there and tried to make awkward conversation which ended up in the television being turned on because we had no idea what to say. James followed me around everywhere and played twenty questions. (Unfortunately, I wasn't a very willing participant.) Kendall was the worst, though. The boy never let me out of his sight! I couldn't make a move without being questioned about it. To say it annoyed me would be putting it very nicely. Like James, he tried to ask any and everything about my life, but I just kept my mouth shut.

"Autumn?" Carlos asked innocently once we finally finished out slide adventure.

"Hmmm?" I replied as I took a seat on the bright orange couch. I felt the piece of furniture sink slightly as another body plopped down next to me.

"Do you want to go down to the pool? We've kind of been locked up in the apartment all day." I looked over at his hopeful face. I really didn't want to the pool but another part of me didn't want to disappoint Carlos. (Although that part of me was very hesitant to admit it.)

"Umm, sure," I agreed slowly. His face turned from surprised to insanely happy.

"Well go get on your swimsuit and we can go!" He jumped up excitedly and ran to his room. I cracked a tiny smile at his enthusiasm and made my way to Katie's room.

I changed into my purple-ruffled bikini top with yellow buttons going down the middle and the matching bottoms. I pulled my cover up over my head, grabbed a towel, and self consciously made my way out to the kitchen. I stared at the fading red lines on my wrists and frowned. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Of course, Carlos was already changed and waiting anxiously for me to arrive. He caught sight of me and wasted no time in pulling me out of the apartment and down to the lobby, rambling about how amazing the pool was the entire time.

The bright California sun nearly blinded me as soon as I stepped outside. Carlos took my hand and pulled me over to a pair of pool chairs that weren't being used. I scanned the area for any sign of the other guys as I set my stuff down. I gave a tiny sigh of relief when I realized they were nowhere to be found.

I heard something that sounded like a scream mixed with a battle cry and a splash. I looked over to find Carlos emerging from the water in the middle of the pool. He swam over to the edge and rested his chin on the pavement.

"Aren't you going to get in?" He asked.

"Yeah, just let me take off my cover up," I said nervously. Carlos nodded and made no motion to move from his spot. I groaned inwardly, realizing he wasn't going to take his eyes off of me until I was in the water.

Hesitantly, I pulled my cover up over my head and took a tiny step to the pool. Carlos looked up at me with eager eyes, inviting me to get in the cool water. I took a careful step so I was right on the edge and dipped my toe in. Unfortunately, I was never the most graceful person out there and gravity decided not to be on my side at the moment. Within five seconds I was completely submerged.

I broke the surface, coughing and rubbing my eyes. Muffled laughter could be heard from right beside me. I turned my head to find Carlos trying to contain his giggles. I tried to send him a glare, but something inside of me snapped. Before I knew it I was laughing so hard it hurt. Not a fake laugh; a true, genuine laugh that made me feel happy for the first time in what felt like forever.

I didn't even realize Carlos had cut out until I looked over and he had a surprised look on his face. I reduced to giggles and sent him a questioning look.

"What?" I asked with a smile.

"It's nothing," he started. "I just haven't heard that laugh in years. I've missed it."

I looked down to the water and blinked a few times. "I've missed it too," I agreed. Carlos gave me a giant smile and swam over slowly.

"I've missed _you,_" he mumbled as he pulled me in for a hug. I smiled and squeezed back softly for the first time. We stayed like that for a couple seconds more until I was unexpectedly pushed backwards playfully.

"CARLOS!" I yelled before chasing after the energetic Latino.

We ended up staying in the water for another three hours. It wasn't until Carlos was craving corn dogs that we got out. I took my time swimming to the steps and started to shiver when the air hit my wet skin.

"For you," a voice spoke as my towel was wrapped around my shoulders. I turned around to smile at Carlos, who was also holding my flip flops and cover up.

"Well thank you," I said as I took my clothing from him. We made our way up to the apartment, chatting happily about whatever came to mind. As soon as the door was opened, Carlos went running to the freezer and happily pulled out the box of his favorite food.

"I'm going to shower," I called out. I don't think he heard me.

I grabbed everything I would need (Including a change of clothes. I really didn't want a repeat of a couple weeks ago.) and went to the bathroom. I turned the water on and peeled my wet swim suit off my body. I stepped into the warm water, my muscles relaxing instantaneously.

For the first time in a while, the negative thoughts weren't invading my mind. The only thing I could think about was the events of today. I don't think a smile left my face once.

I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around my body. I stepped out and walked over to crack the door a bit to un-fog the mirror. Quickly, I changed and wrapped my hair in the towel to let it dry a bit more. (My hair had a tendency to act like a sponge and absorb every single drop of water.)

I grabbed the items that didn't need to stay in the bathroom and went to put them in my suitcase. As I walked through the kitchen I saw Carlos laying upside down on the couch eating corndogs, his eyes closed in pleasure. I rolled my eyes with a tiny smile as I opened the door to Katie's room. I threw my stuff in the general area of my bag and shook the towel off my head.

I ran a quick brush through my tangles and made my way back out to where Carlos was. I took a quiet seat next to him, but he didn't move.

"Carlos," I said at a normal volume. Again, no movement.

"Carlos!" I tried again, a little louder. Of course, that didn't work either.

"CARLOS!" I screamed. When he didn't budge, I gave a huff of annoyance. I reached over and gave him a hard jab in the stomach. He gave a squeal and fell to the floor. "Thank you!"

The tiny Latino stood up, patted his helmet, then threw his body down next to mine. "So what do you want to do now?" He asked. I shrugged, not really knowing what was still left to do.

Carlos sat there, an intense look of concentration on his face. I was about to suggest to turn on the television until he popped up excitedly. "Let's take pictures on my Instagram for the fans!" I immediately made a face.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," I said softly. The horrible feelings were starting to resurface, telling me that nobody would want to see my face.

"Why not?" Carlos looked confused at my sudden mood change. I shrugged and bit the inside of my lip.

"I'm not really a fan of taking pictures," I replied simply, turning my head to look at my feet.

"Autumn, look at me," Carlos said in a firm yet gentle voice. Surprised, I met his eyes which held nothing but kindness. He took my hands in his. "You need to stop thinking so badly of yourself. I know it's hard right now, but I don't like seeing you in this much pain. You're an absolutely stunning girl, even if you don't see it."

I sighed softly and nodded. "Thank you," I murmured. He gave me a tiny smile and pulled in for a hug.

"You still don't believe me, do you?" He mumbled against my hair. I just shook my head in response. "Oh, Bubbles, what are we going to do with you?" I smiled and gently shoved him.

"Coming from the boy who used his roof as a diving board when he was nine," I retorted.

"That was one time!" He protested. Suddenly, his face turned serious. "Autumn, do you ever wish we were little again?"

"Of course," I answered with a confused expression. Carlos sighed and looked down. "Why do you ask?" There was a pause before he spoke again.

"Everything was so much easier back then." I nodded in agreement. "You know, I replay the day you left a lot. Every time I wish I had been the one to speak out against how we were acting. I feel horrible about it to this day."

"Carlos-" I started, but was cut off.

"Autumn, you have to know how much I want to make up for everything. You deserve nothing less than that." He looked like he was about to lose it. "I know that we were never the closest of the group, but I want to change that. Autumn, I'm so, so sorry!"

I closed my eyes and let out a giant breath. He meant all of what he said, and I knew that. There was no way he was about to go back on a promise he had just made. "Carlos," I murmured. "I forgive you."

He sat up and stared at me, disbelief clear in his chocolate eyes. "Really?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his torso. "Really." I felt the embrace being returned and a gentle kiss placed on the top of my head.

"I love you, Autumn Knight. You truly are my little sister."

"I love you too," I whispered. Our little moment was broken up when his phone went off. He sent me a sheepish smile and opened the text. He face broke out into an even bigger grin.

"Stephanie wants me to meet her in the park." I smiled and gave a tiny laugh. Suddenly, the door opened and Logan came in.

"Hey guys," he greeted with a smile.

"Logie!" Carlos said happily. I just sat there and stared. "I'm meeting up with Stephanie soon. Would you be able to look after this one?" He nudged me affectionately.

"Of course," he sent me a grin which I didn't really return.

"Sweet, thank you!" Carlos jumped up. "Bye Autumn, bye Logan!" With that, he was gone, leaving me and the awkward one.

"_Well this is going to be loads of fun!_"

**I'm so sorry the ending is rushed! I have to leave for band in ten minutes but I really want to upload the chapter! I promise, the next chapter will be better! (Lots of cuteness with Logie Bear:D)**

**James: Alright, I'm about ready to have a long conversation about why you keep my locked up.**

**Me: Normally, I would have something to say back, but I really have to go! I love you guys and don't hesitate to review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey there my lovely readers! I'm really sorry I didn't have a good author's note on the last one. (It was done in two minutes if that explains anything.) Alright, cyber sugar cookies to: Chey21, GhostGirl51, ravenwashere, ZaynMalikForeverYoung, EmiilyRae96 (amazing name, btw;), Ileana, the guest, and I forgot a name the last chapter! Molleytree, I am so sorry! If I ever forget to put you down, please tell me! **

**Disclaimer: (I forgot to do it the last time. Oops…) I am very deeply pained and sorry to tell you all that I don't own Big Time Rush. **

**Readers: *sobs***

**Me: I know, I'm hurt too. We'll all just have to try our hardest to go on with life. **

**Warning: This chapter contains LOTS of cuteness with Logan. Read as you will[;**

The awkwardness was pretty instantaneous as soon as Carlos closed the door. I sat back slowly and pulled my legs up. Logan let out a tiny breath and looked pretty lost. I stayed in my position, not making a motion to get conversation flowing.

"How was your day?" Logan asked while coming over to sit next to me.

"Fine," I said simply. I felt him sit down. I looked over to find Logan giving me an odd look. "What?"

He looked down and blinked a few times. "I'm just trying to figure you out."

I raised my eyebrows. "You used to know me quite well," I said bitterly. Logan sighed and closed his eyes.

"I know," he said quietly. Another silence took over. I glanced over at the clock and saw it was 5:32. That meant Kendall would be back in an hour and a half and James would be back soon after.

Logan took notice of the time too. "Are you hungry?" I shook my head the same time my stomach decided to growl. He sent me an amused smirk. "That's what I thought." I cursed inwardly as he got up to go to the kitchen.

"Really, I'm not hungry!" I protested as I followed the future doctor. Logan raised his eyebrows as he pulled a box of pasta out of the cupboard.

"Your stomach seems to disagree." He bent down to pull out a pan and filled it with water. "Besides, you need to eat. It's not an option." With that, he placed the pan down, turned the heat on, and leaned back to stare at me. I frowned.

"Stop that," I commanded.

"Stop what?" He asked innocently.

"Staring at me!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ugh!" I slammed my hands down and threw my head back in annoyance. I would expect this from any of the other guys, but not Logan. If this was his method of conversation, it wasn't working.

"You seem a bit frustrated there," he commented. I looked down to glare at him.

"You think?" I spat out.

"You know, I'd really appreciate it if you said more than two sentences to me." A lot of colorful words came to my mind at that moment, but I kept those to myself. I leaned up against the counter and closed my mouth. Logan's face fell and turned annoyed. We stared at each other until the sound of water boiling over came from behind him.

"You might want to take care of that," I said with a smirk. Logan immediately flipped around to turn the heat down and dump in some of the curly pasta noodles. I took that time to walk back and sit down in one of the red chairs that could spin. I put my head in my hands and let out a quiet breath.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my phone lying on the table in front of the television. I spun around and hopped up to go retrieve the device. Of course, it was just my luck that I didn't see the hockey stick in my path. I went tumbling down, my head hitting the table and some odd noise coming from my mouth in the process.

I sat up, my left shin and top of my head throbbing. I heard rushed footsteps coming toward me.

"Autumn, are you alright?" Logan asked worriedly. I blinked a few times.

"There was a hockey stick in the way," I said in a daze. I frowned and touched my hair. "My head hurts." Logan's gentle fingers replaced mine and lightly touched the sore spot. I winced in pain and flinched back a bit.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he pulled my leg closer to look at. "Well, looks like you have rug burn and a nasty little bump on your head. I'll go get some ice." I watched as he got up and went to the kitchen to fill a bag with ice and wrap it in a paper towel.

"Here," Logan said as he placed it on my head. I reached up to keep it in place. "I'll be right back." I sat there, a little bit dumbfounded as to what he could possibly need. It wasn't until he returned with a dark brown bottle and some cotton balls that I knew what was coming.

"You touch my leg with that, you die," I threatened with a serious expression.

"Autumn, I know you don't like it but-"

"I'd rather get an infection then have that hell in a bottle get near me!"

"Ok, that's a bit extreme!" Logan was getting visibly fed up with me. Out of nowhere, I jumped up, my leg screaming in protest, and tried to make a run for Katie's room.

I had almost made it when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my midsection and pull me up. "Nice try Bubbles, but you're forgetting that I played twelve years of hockey," Logan said with an amused smile.

I must've been pretty tiny because he somehow managed to carry me all the way back to the couch. He sat down and put me in a position that enabled me to move almost no parts of my body. He reached over, grabbed the bottle of peroxide, wet a cotton ball with some of the horrible stuff, and dabbed some on the injured area of my leg.

I gritted my teeth, knowing if I had a free limb to move it would be harming Logan. My leg burned even more now thanks to a certain someone.

"Ok, done! That wasn't so bad, now was it?" He asked as he released my body. In response I just sent him a glare. "Or maybe it was."

Again, the sudden sound of water boiling over came from the kitchen. Logan leapt up and ran over to the pan. He turned off the heat and grabbed the handle with a potholder. He reached below in one of the cupboards and pulled out a strainer. Logan made his way over to the sink, set down the mesh device, and poured the noodles in. I watched the steam rise up and swirl around.

Within one minute Logan was standing above me, holding out my dinner expectantly. I met his gaze but stayed where I was. He let out a sigh and sat down next to me.

"Autumn, you really do need to eat," he murmured gently. I bit my lip, knowing he was right. I was about to reach out to take the plate from his hands when a voice stopped me.

"_If you eat that you're just going to make your body heavier. Carbs are the worst,_" it taunted. Unconsciously, I reached down to lightly touch my stomach. I could feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes. I turned away and blinked, the feeling of water rolling down my face.

"Autumn?" Logan asked in an incredibly gentle voice. He got up and kneeled down on the floor in front of me. "Shhh, don't cry." He reached up and wiped away my tears with his thumb. Then I just lost it.

I let out a sob and flung myself into Logan's arms. He gave a surprised grunt but didn't push me away. He held me close and let me cry into his shoulder.

"I c-can't seem to d-do anything without n-negative thoughts p-pulling me d-down," I hiccupped.

"About what?" Logan asked softly. I sniffled and took a deep breath to calm myself.

"Everything it seems like," I started shakily. "I can't try to look at my band music because I'm not talented. I can't read my summer assignment because I'm not smart. I can't look in a mirror because I'm not pretty. I can't eat because I'm not thin." I broke into more tears and reached up to brush them away.

"Oh, Bubbles," Logan pulled me up and sat me down on the couch. He took my hands into his and looked me directly in the eyes, his chocolaty orbs pained. "How can you think that about yourself? All of what you think is completely wrong."

I took a shaky breath. "That's all I've been told for the past seven years," I said just above a whisper. I looked at Logan's face and was surprised to find he was crying.

"I had no idea," he managed to get out. He looked at me before pulling me in close and not letting go. "Autumn, when we found you last week, I was terrified. I thought you were gone for good." He paused. "I know you don't want to be around us and quite frankly, I don't blame you. I just want you to know how incredibly sorry I am for everything. I promise you, this is never going to happen again. I'm so sorry."

I pressed myself closer to him, warmth rushing through me. "I love you Logie," I said softly. I brought my head up. Logan looked like my statement had taken him off-guard. He met my gaze and a wide smile broke out across his features.

"I love you too Bubbles," he said as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead.

I yawned and leaned my head on Logan's shoulder. I felt him lean forward a bit then place something warm in my lap. "This doesn't get you out of eating dinner."

I gave a tiny laugh and picked up the fork. "Happy?" I asked after I swallowed my first bite.

"Not until you eat at least half of that." I turned to give him a look.

"What are you, my father?" In response, he just sat back and proceeded to watch me. I gave a groan, but did what he asked.

**Logan's Point of View**

I was extremely surprised at how open Autumn was being to me. To be honest, it felt really nice. (I actually got her to eat!)

It was 7:15 and we were watching a movie in the apartment. Well, I was watching it and Autumn was asleep on my shoulder. Suddenly, the door opened and Kendall walked in. He looked over at us, shock coloring his features.

"Shhh, she's asleep," I whispered, fully aware I was pointing out the obvious.

"How?" Kendall seemed dumfounded. I smiled and turned the television down.

"I'm still trying to figure that out. We talked about what happened and everything got better," I answered. Kendall looked hurt but quickly covered that up.

"I have to go shower," he said and left the room.

Not two minutes later James came back home. He closed the door, took one glance at us, and then came striding over.

"Hey, buddy, what are you up to?" He asked, his eyes looking angry, hurt, and jealous.

"I'm just watching a movie," I answered simply.

"Mhmm, and what is Autumn doing?" James questioned. I looked over to the younger girl, then back up to my best friend.

"Sleeping."

A mad look crossed over his features before he stormed out of the room.

"_Oh, Autumn, you better go out with that boy before he kills one of us._" I thought before turning my attention back to the movie.

**D'awwww! How cute! When I was at show choir camp, one boy acted like Logan was during dinner. I really wasn't hungry, but he told me that he wasn't going to leave until I ate my food. Anyway, I really liked this chapter but it took a lot of breaking and coming back to. **

**On another note, I officially have the sequel all planned! (I'm not even joking. I was at my grandparent's house and didn't want to work on my summer assignment stuff, so I wrote the basis of it down in my notebook. Five pages long…) I'm so freaking excited for it, it's not even funny! This story I plan on wrapping up soon, so I'm thinking another five or six chapters. Oh, and for those of you who have been waiting, the next chapter is full James[;**

**James: HUH?!**

**Me: Be prepared, Jamie**

**James: 0.o **

**Me: Hey, Autumn deserves nothing but the best! **

**James: SHE'S A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!**

**Me: HEY, that's **_**my **_**fictional character, thank you very much! Anyway, I have to go do school stuff that I really don't want to. Until the next chapter, loves! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi there guys! *looks around nervously* Long time, no see, right? *you all grumble and prepare to hit me with kitchen supplies* PLEASE, KEEP YOUR ZESTERS TO YOURSELVES! I know it's no excuse, but I've been so busy with band, choir, show choir, dance, and my classes. (Marching band=+ AP US history= a stressed out Emily:/) I really hope this chapter makes up for it a little bit? Maybe? Cyber raspberry cheesecake cookies to: GhostGirl51, ravenwashere, xxfallenangelmayxx, EmiilyRae96, CatchingSparks, Ileana, AllyLynn321 (who's reviews make my day!), and the guests who review. Thank you all so much!**

**Logan: Emily doesn't own Big Time Rush**

**Carlos: Why didn't she do it?**

**Logan: Because she fell asleep in her bathtub. School's been hard on her lately. She wanted me to tell you guys that she loves you though(:**

I woke up the next morning in my makeshift bed in Katie's room. I rubbed my eyes and frowned. The last thing I remembered was falling asleep on the couch. I sat up and fumbled around for my phone. I turned it on and squinted from the bright light. I did a mental groan when all the letters and numbers looked fuzzy. I leaned over to my suitcase and pulled out my glasses case.

I slipped the rectangular frames on my face and pulled my hair up in a messy bun. Not wanting to wake up Katie, I pushed myself up and tip toed out of the room. Sleepily, I trudged my way out to the kitchen where my mom was making breakfast.

She turned around and gave me a warm smile. "Good morning, sweetie."

"Good morning," I mumbled tiredly as I plopped down in one of the chairs at the counter.

"You're up early," she remarked. I shrugged and gave a yawn. "Well, the boys should be down any minute now." Sure enough, the sound of four teenage boy voices accompanied by footsteps hit my ears. I gave another yawn and rested my head on my arms, huddling deeper into the warmth of my sweatshirt. (It had been cold in the apartment last night. Hence, the sweatshirt. I also had to revert to wearing my mid-calf Nike socks my friends had given to me as a gag gift. They said I was a "true bro now".)

I could hear the boys talking to my mom but I wasn't paying much attention. It wasn't until Carlos decided to poke me on my side and I almost fell out of my chair that I was fully awake.

"Breakfast time!" My mom called out cheerily. The boys immediately ran to the table and sat down. I pulled myself up and walked at a normal pace. I pulled out a chair and sat down between Logan and Carlos. My mom set down large amounts of breakfast foods. I sat back and decided to wait it out because I didn't want to lose a limb in the process.

"Is this normal?" I asked Logan as I scooped eggs onto my plate. He shrugged.

"Mama Knight never usually makes us breakfast, but other than that, yes." I pushed my glasses back up on my nose and took a tiny bite. Logan gave me a look which I returned.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, you can put more food on your plate and actually eat it," he replied with a serious expression. I frowned and glanced around the rest of the table. Carlos looked a little bit upset, but it wasn't major. James looked frustrated, but not at me. I peeked over at my brother and caught his gaze. His eyes were begging me to talk to him, to not just sit there any longer.

"I'm not actually all that hungry," I lied as I stood up.

"Yes you are," came the unison reply of all four boys as I was yanked back down into my seat. My plate was taken away from me and passed around so it could be loaded up. Logan set it back down in front of me and I gave him an incredulous look.

"How on earth am I supposed to eat all of that?" I questioned.

"Simple," Logan started as he grabbed my fork and scooped some eggs onto it. "Like this." Before I could process what was going on, he had stuck the utensil inside my open mouth, effectively feeding me. "Now chew." I sent the smart boy a glare, but obliged to his commands. Knowing I was going to be forced fed if I didn't do it myself, I grabbed my fork back and resumed my meal.

"Boys, if you don't get going now you'll never make it to the studio on time. C'mon!" My mom urged a couple minutes later. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos stood up from the table, taking their dishes with them. James remained seated.

"Why aren't you going?" I asked a little bit harsher than I intended.

"I recorded my vocals and learned the dance yesterday since I'm singing lead. It's just you and me for the day," he answered with a heartbreaking smile.

Upon hearing that news, I started to choke on the orange juice I had been drinking. "What?!" I managed to squeak out.

"I know!" Carlos exclaimed. "And I thought I was going to get lead!" I turned to give him an odd look in between coughs.

"Boys, studio!" My mom exclaimed as she pushed them out the door, leaving just me and the pretty boy at the table. I was still coughing so conversation didn't have to start immediately.

I heard the chair next to me squeak, signifying somebody had sat down. I felt a gentle hand rub my back. "Just breathe, Autumn," James said soothingly. I shook away from his touch and took a giant breath.

"Don't touch me," I warned, wanting it to come off as threatening, but it just ended up sounding like I was pleading. He tried to scoot closer, but I backed away until I fell off the chair.

"Autumn!" My mom came rushing over to my side.

"_Why do I keep on falling off of things this week?_" I wondered as I rubbed my head.

"Are you ok?" She asked in worry.

"She'll be fine," my dad reassured as he emerged from the hallway, looking like he just got up. "It can't be any worse than the time when she decided to jump off the balcony and break her arm."

Both my mom and James gave me an odd look. I looked down and bit my lip. It was one stinking time when I was ten and I thought it would be fun. Clearly, that wasn't the case.

"James, look after her today and make sure no balcony jumping happens," my mom commanded as she went down the hallway towards Katie's room. I gripped the table and pulled myself up, avoiding James, and walked to the kitchen where my dad was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Good morning," he greeted me with a smile which I tiredly returned.

"Morning, Dad. What are you and Mom going to do today?" I asked as I leaned on the counter. He took a sip of his liquid caffeine then set the mug down.

"We're going to spend the day with your sister so you and James can have plenty of alone time." My eyes got huge and I shook my head.

"Dad, don't you disapprove of me being alone with a boy for an extended period of time?" I asked desperately.

"Normally, yes, but I trust James," he answered. I nodded in defeat and went to sit down on the couch where my phone was calling my name. James tried to sit down beside next to me but opted not to when I kept scooting away from him.

In the course if half an hour I had checked my e-mail, Facebook, and Instagram, as well as my mom, dad, and sister had left. Knowing there was nothing left for me to do; I slowly pulled out my ear buds and carefully wrapped them around my electronic device. I looked around only to find James wasn't in the room anymore so I heaved myself up and made my way to Katie's room to get dressed.

I tiredly pulled on a pair of my white capris and a tank top. Not wanting to do some heavy searching, I pulled out the first pair of Keds I saw and yanked them on my feet. I pulled the elastic out of my hair, effectively taking the bun out, and ran my brush through the thick waves.

From there, I yanked the hair back up into a high ponytail and pulled my arms through a teal cover up. Figuring I wasn't going to look much better, I snuck out of Katie's room and back to the couch.

James was still absent so I turned on the television and decided on Dance Moms. (It was my guilty pleasure and I didn't plan on telling anybody anytime soon.) I sat back and wondered where the tall brunette was. He never left me alone when it was his turn to watch me.

My questions were answered when he emerged from the hallway wearing a pair of jeans and a red plaid shirt. My breath immediately caught in my throat and my heart started to beat a million miles a second, much to my dismay.

"_He hurt you, don't fall for it!_" my head screamed. James looked my way and his soft hazel eyes met mine and I swear I melted right then and there.

"_But he's sorry and you know it. Deep down, you love him_," my heart murmured gently. I blinked and dropped his gaze, trying to clear my head and figure out my feelings to the gorgeous boy standing not twenty feet from me.

That didn't work out too well when he sat down beside me. I tried to be strong and not look at him, but god damn, he smelled amazing! I could feel my walls crumbling and I started to panic. There was no way he was going to be forgiven as easily as Logan and Carlos.

"Dance Moms, huh?" James asked, breaking me out of my emotional battle. I looked over to see an amused smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"Maybe I like that show," I countered, happy at how sharp my tone was. He held his hands up in surrender.

"Hey, I don't judge. Between you and me," he paused to let out an embarrassed laugh. "I really like this show."

I was about to let out a laugh and make fun of him, but I caught myself. My head kept on telling me how he didn't deserve that and I should just get up and walk away.

But of course, there was my heart making everything complicated. It was urging me to let him, to stop hurting myself like this. It was telling me I was allowed to be happy with James. As much as I didn't want to come to terms with it, that stupid little organ was right.

Confused as hell, I let out a simple 'hmmm' in response. James's face fell.

"Autumn, please talk to me. I know you don't trust me right now, but I want to fix that. Please," he begged.

"James, I-I," I stopped short, not quite knowing how to reply. I took a breath and restarted. "I want to talk to you, I really do, but I just don't know how."

He let out a soft breath and gently cradled the side of my face. My heartbeat accelerated to an unhealthy pace, I'm sure.

"We could try it like this," he murmured before softly pressing his lips against mine. I closed my eyes, in complete bliss, until my senses came back. I yanked back and slapped him hard across the face.

"You think you can do this to me, James Diamond?!" I cried, tears burning in the back of my eyes. He started rubbing the sore spot.

"Do what?" He asked, confusion written clear on his face.

"You come back into my life, claiming to hate me and break my heart beyond belief, breaking me down to me lowest point possible. Then, you go and kiss me like it never happened? I'm sorry, but I don't plan on forgiving you quite that quickly. You're lucky if you ever gain back the trust I once had for you," I whispered before bolting back to Katie's room.

I locked the door and slid down the wall, tears falling down my pale face. I could hear footsteps trailing after me and desperate knocks on the door.

"Autumn, I'm sorry. Please let me in," James pleaded. I stayed quiet and curled up on my makeshift bed.

After fifteen minutes of continuous knocking, the pretty boy gave up and walked away. I yawned and closed my eyes, tired from crying. Before I knew it I had drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of gentle knocks coming from the door. "Autumn, can you please let me come in?" James asked. I blinked several times, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. I looked over to the clock only to find it was three in the afternoon and I had slept for five hours.

Tiredly, I pulled myself up and stumbled over to the door to open it.

"You called?" I slurred sarcastically. James looked surprised to say the least. Apparently he thought it would take a battering ram to get the door open.

"I was, um, wondering if we could take a walk. Maybe we could talk a bit?" He asked hesitantly. I leaned against the door frame and rubbed my eyes.

"That's a nice offer, but no," I replied as I started to swing the piece of wood shut. James caught the edge before it could close.

"Autumn, please. We need to talk about this," James looked close to tears. I just shook my head and proceeded to close the door in his face. I could hear the dejected sound of shuffling feet as he walked away from Katie's room.

I ended up sitting there for another ten minutes until my need to pee outweighed everything else. I tiptoed out of my safe haven and made my way to the bathroom. I was about to go in when an image on the couch made my freeze. There, was James holding a purple notebook suspiciously familiar to my journal where I had started the vast majority of my notes for my summer assignments.

"Why do you have my school work?" I asked uneasily. He looked up, clearly unfazed by my reaction.

"So _that's _what this is! I was wondering." My stomach twisted uneasily. The tone of his voice didn't imply very good things.

"Give it back," I commanded in a low warning tone.

James stood up to hand me back my notebook, but quickly changed his arm position and dropped it over a huge wet spot on the floor, effectively ruining all my hard work.

My blood boiled and I sent the most menacing glare I could his way. "You did _not _just do that," I said in an icy tone.

"Oops?" James said with a smirk. That was it for me. I took off toward him, fully prepared to make him pay. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't very fast and James had done hockey just as long as Kendall. He took off out of the apartment, forcing me to follow.

I ended up chasing him through the lobby and out to Palm Woods Park. I stopped to breathe, as I wasn't the most athletic person out there, and my eyes caught something. Slowly, I lifted my upper body up and stared in wonder. There, in front of me was a green-checkered blanket complete with a picnic basket, flowers, and a sheepish-looking James.

"What is all this?" I asked in amazement.

"I felt bad," he explained. "and I wanted to make it up to you."

The sudden sweet gesture took me off-guard. He set this all up for me? Now my heart would definitely out speak my brain.

"That's…really sweet of you," I said with a tiny smile aimed his way. James's cheeks turned a light shade of red at my compliment. I took a gentle seat on the soft fabric and the pretty boy followed my lead.

"These are you for," he said as the beautiful pink and white roses were placed in my hands. I gave a shy 'thank you' and touched the soft petals. We sat in silence for a little bit, just taking in our surroundings.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about earlier today. I shouldn't have kissed you," James started. I set the flowers down and took a deep breath.

"No, I'm the one that should be sorry. I had no right to flip out like that," I spoke, surprising even myself. Had I really just apologized to James Diamond, the boy that broke my heart?

"Autumn," he forced my eyes into his. "You had every right to react the way you did. After what I did to you…" He looked like he was on the verge of tears. I reached up to place my hand on his face but stopped short. Was I really doing this?

I pulled back slowly and bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm not sure what to say," I admitted quietly.

"Then just listen," James commanded gently. I gave a slight nod, prompting him to continue on with what he wanted to say. There was a brief silence before he started.

"I've known you since I was two, the longest of anybody in the group apart from Kendall. You were a huge part of my life growing up and everybody knew that. We were pretty much connected at the hip. I'm sure I could have been you for a day and nobody would have known the difference," he mused with a smile.

"When you decided to leave, nobody knew how to function. I guess we had all presumed you would stay in Minnesota where your family was. You always were a daddy's girl though…

When your mom told us you were coming, I'm not going to lie, I was excited and upset all at the same time. I wanted to see you so badly, to see how much you had changed and to catch up. There was another part of me, though that didn't want you to be here, to make you feel all the hurt we had to go through when you left. I was upset that you could just walk back into our lives as quickly as you left.

Then you showed up that afternoon and I swear to you I felt like crying. You weren't the little Bubbles I had once known; you were so different and it took me off guard. Autumn, you're so incredibly beautiful now."

My heart skipped a beat at his words. I looked up and opened my mouth to speak, but James shook his head, indicating there was more.

"When you were so quiet and shy around us, I was upset. I kept on thinking "_why isn't she acting the way she did when we were little?_" Call it wishful thinking, but I hoped you would have moved on from all those years ago. Clearly, I was wrong, and you had every right.

It's the worst excuse on the planet, but I guess that's the reason why I acted the way I did. Then, when I saw you come in from the rain last week, I felt truly awful. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but it wasn't the right thing to do at all.

I saw the sparkle in your eyes just disappear and that's what scared me the most. I should've talked to you before it was too late, but I just couldn't. I wanted to keep thinking things would magically get better and we could all move on with life. Then, Katie found you in her room and everything came crashing down on me. All throughout the hospital visit I was blaming myself. I didn't want to lose you.

The only thing I want right now is for things to get better between us. I want to go back to ten years ago. I want to know everything about you Autumn Marie Knight and don't doubt it. I want to see that beautiful smile light up your face and hear that laugh of yours because it's better than most music. You can call it cheesy, but I call it the truth. I love you so much more than you know." James finished and looked at me hopefully.

I was a huge mess of emotions. I couldn't figure out if I should be smiling, crying, walking away in a fury, or a combination of the above. I went to touch my cheek and pulled back, surprised to find it wet. I looked into the breathtaking hazel eyes staring at me, hoping I wasn't about to regret what happened next.

I threw myself at him, knowing perfectly well he would catch me, and pressed our lips together. At that moment everything fell into place and made sense. Kissing James made me feel like it was where I belonged.

He kissed back sweetly before pulling away. "Am I safe to assume we can just start over from a couple weeks ago?"

I gave a tiny smile as he brushed the tears off my face. "Maybe not completely, but we can try." The biggest smile broke out across his face.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to hear that. Oh, and one more thing." James reached behind my head and pulled the ponytail out of my hair. "I love your hair. Please wear it down more often." I blushed and looked down.

The next two hours were undoubtedly the highlight of my trip. We talked about any and everything surprisingly easy. It was like the past seven years hadn't happened in that time and for once the world seemed to be at peace. Of course, I was still a bit cautious around him, but there were some strides in the right direction had been taken today and it made me feel amazing.

My phone buzzed and I opened it to find a new message from my dad asking where James and I were at. I smiled and rolled my eyes, saying we were at the park and would be back soon.

"The authorities want us back," I informed James.

"I don't like the authorities," James said with a frown. I laughed and stood up.

"Well that's too bad because one provides for you, so I suggest you listen to her." I stuck out my hand to help him up. He grasped it and heaved himself up.

"If you're going to put it that way, then you have to help me clean up." I dropped my jaw in fake shock and shook my head.

"Oh, uh-uh! You're the guy, you do it!" I countered. James gave me a look before running up and snatching the glasses right off of my face, leaving me to see things much fuzzier than usual.

"Unless you want these back, you have to agree to help me clean up!" James said, seemingly quite proud of his accomplishment. Not wanting to argue, I begrudgingly agreed and received the frames that helped me to see.

We were walking back to the apartment when James leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"I think you look really cute in those glasses." I laughed and pushed him, which wasn't very effective.

"Oh, get out of here you womanizer," I joked. He pretended to be hurt.

"Excuse me, but I have only dated two girls this month! That's a new record!"

"I've only ever dated two guys! You little player," I commented with a laugh as I walked through the door to the apartment. My mom and dad were in the kitchen eating dinner with Katie while Logan, Carlos, and Kendall were collapsed on the couch.

"Player? Miss Knight, I do believe you should start running," James threatened. I laughed at first, hoping he was joking, but he seemed to be serious. I gave a squeal and started to sprint to the couch where Logan or Carlos could help me, but James _did _have twelve years of hockey on me.

I was grabbed across the midsection and repeatedly poked in the sides, causing me to practically scream with laughter and pain. (I don't know anybody who likes getting tickled.)

"STOP!" I screeched out in between breaths.

"Not until you apologize," James smirked. I gave him an 'I-really-hate-you-right-now' look.

"I'm…sorry!" I obeyed. The pretty boy smiled triumphantly and pulled me upright. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"What's going on here?" My mom asked, trying to sound confused, but I could sense a hint of happiness in her tone.

"Yeah, what _is _going on here?" Kendall asked, now alert.

"James was just being mean. I need to shower," I replied with a smile. Kendall flashed me a disappointed look before I turned and made my way to the bathroom.

**Kendall's Point of View**

Logan, Carlos, and I were sitting on the couch, practically dying from the pain coming from our joints. All was quiet in the apartment until the door burst open, revealing James and Autumn. They were talking about James, I'd presumed. (I heard the word 'player'.)

Before too long my sister was running away from James but he caught her and started to tickle her. I sat up, now in all out overprotective brother mode. What was my best friend doing touching and talking to my little sister like that? There was no way they were going to form a relationship! I wasn't going to let it happen!

"What's going on here?" My mom asked. I stood up.

"Yeah, what _is _going on here?" I pretty much demanded. Had she forgiven James? Was I the only one left?

"James was just being mean. I need to shower," Autumn replied, her face flushed by very happy. A wave of sadness overtook me. She didn't even want to talk to anybody about her personal life when I was in the room.

I looked over to James to see him grinning widely and I knew all broken ties had been fixed today. I sat back down sadly, realizing my own sister may never forgive me. My eyes traveled to the closed bathroom door.

"_Little One, I swear to you that I will do whatever it takes for us to love each other again._"

**AND SCENE! I hope you all enjoyed yourselves reading this chapter! (Oh goodness, that sounded horribly awkward and grammatically incorrect. I need sleep!) The next chapter is what you all have been waiting for, I'm sure! It's Ken-doll's turn! **

**On a more serious note, I'm not sure how frequent updates are going to be. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer last year and we've recently heard she has about eight months left, so please bear with me. **

**James: YOU LEFT ME IN THE SANDBOX FOR OVER A MONTH!**

**Me: I'm sorry! I feel bad, I really do! **

**James: You should, because I'm beautiful and need my sun tanning time!**

**Me: Tanning kills your skin!**

**James: You're just jealous because you're a ginger!**

**Me: HALF a ginger, thank you very much! I'm going to go before I pass out at the computer, so until next time loves! Oh, and don't forget to review! (You get virtual love and cookies when you do!:D) **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey there all! I just wanted to thank you guys for all the wonderful and inspiring reviews you guys left because of my grandma. They made me so happy I think I cried a little. Special thank yous and cyber pumpkin cookies to: xxfallenangelmayxx, Chey21, Ileana, ElizabethMaslowBTR, GhostGirl51, Jazzy, Turtles45, and lynx for reviewing. **

**Warning: This chapter contains excessive amounts of cuteness. Read at your own will.**

"Up, up, up! C'mon, rise and shine!"

I gave a series of incomprehensible words and groans in response. "'Wanna sleep," I mumbled tiredly while curling deeper into the warmth of my blankets. Before too long that coziness was ripped away from me. I gave a squeak of surprise and compressed to a ball.

"You can't make me get up!" I protested. I really hoped Katie wasn't asleep.

"Technically, no, but if you listen to me this whole ordeal would go a lot smoother," Logan countered. I smushed my face in the soft pillow and shook my head. I heard the smart boy sigh, making me smile inwardly. I relaxed and left my mind drift off again.

That was, until a cup of absolutely freezing water was flung on my face. My eyes snapped open and I scrambled to my feet. Carlos smiled back at me innocently as I took a menacing step towards him.

"Before you kill me, it wasn't my idea!" He said quickly.

"Then who told you to do it?" I was really mad. If you were going to wake me up you better have a good reason.

"James," Carlos replied. I stormed out of the room and to the kitchen. I passed by a clock to find it was 7:15, only adding fuel to the fire.

"JAMES!" I yelled as I spotted the culprit. An 'oh-shit' look crossed his face.

"Autumn, I-" he tried but was cut off when I smacked him on the arm.

"I don't appreciate that!" I said with a glare. "Why do I need to be up this early, anyway?"

"You're spending the day with Kendall," Logan answered with a hesitant smile. Upon his words, nerves started to take hold of my body.

"Huh?" I asked incredulously, my eyes giant. The three boys gave each other cautious looks.

"He has the day all planned out and everything," Carlos informed me enthusiastically.

"Now you need to go change into warm clothes and eat breakfast," Logan instructed.

"But why would I need warm clothes? We're in Los Angles-."

"Don't question it!" James cut me off as he proceeded to push me back to Katie's room. I opened my mouth to ask more questions but didn't get the chance before I was shoved in my temporary home and the door was quietly shut.

I gave a tiny huff of annoyance before trying to navigate the room in the dark, as Katie was still asleep. Somehow, I managed to find a pair of jeans and a thin sweatshirt. Not anticipating having to dress warmly, I only brought that much. (Apart from my giant sweatshirt, which I couldn't wear because it was in the wash.) I gave my hair a quick brush, slipped some shoes and socks on my feet, and made my way back to the kitchen.

"That's not going to keep you very warm," Carlos frowned.

"It's kind of the only thing I have considering it's summer time," I replied, feeling slightly embarrassed. James gave a small laugh.

"I'll be right back." He disappeared down the hall and emerged thirty seconds later holding a dark blue sweatshirt. He handed it over to me. "It's going to be huge on you, but it's warm." I hesitantly grabbed hold of the clothing and pulled it over my head. He was right, it was about four sizes too big for me, but it was warm and smelled exactly like him. (Not being creepy or anything…)

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "Why do I have to get up early and Kendall still isn't out here?"

"Because he's a guy and apart from James, most guys take about ten minutes to get ready. You, on the other hand, are a girl and have to use more time in the morning before you're fully ready. Now eat," Logan answered before placing a bowl of cereal in my hands.

"But I don't like-." I (once again) was cut off by James sticking the spoon on my mouth and pulling it back out.

"Chew and swallow," he coached with a smirk. I rolled my eyes but followed his commands.

Not ten minutes later did Kendall emerge from the hallway and eat breakfast.

"Ready to go?" He asked me while grabbing his car keys off the counter. I was about to open my mouth to say "no" but Logan, Carlos, and James replied with an enthusiastic "yes" in response. I turned around to glare at them.

"Have fun you two!" Logan called cheerfully as Carlos flipped me back around and pushed me to my brother.

As soon as we were in the hallway and the apartment door was closed, anxiousness started to take over my body. I silently followed Kendall out to the Palm Woods parking lot where a pretty older-looking Convertible was sitting. Where on earth did he score that car?

"We call it the Big Time Rush mobile. At first Logan could only drive it but I got my license last year and it's shared between us," Kendall explained as we got in. I hummed in response and buckled my seatbelt. I was pretty jealous, actually. I couldn't even get my temporary license until I was 15 and a half, and that was still a couple months away.

Kendall drove for a little bit, trying to make conversation, but it was mainly one-sided. I didn't want to talk to him very much. I guess stubbornness just ran in the family.

Before too long we were parked in an empty lot. I blinked a few times to read the name of the building, realizing why I had to dress warmly. Some intense nerves overtook my body. I hadn't ice skated in years, and to be perfectly honest, it always scared me. In between the constant falling and cocky teens almost plowing me over, the thought of skating terrified me.

"An ice rink?" I asked, meaning for it to come off as insulting, but that didn't succeed. I sounded more like a frightened child. Kendall locked the car and put the hood up, nodding excitedly.

"The guys and I come here when we can to play hockey. It's nothing like the pond we used to skate on back in Minnesota, but it's pretty nice."

Before I could squeak out a word of protest we were in the mostly-empty building. (Apart from the employees.) Kendall greeted the man at the desk by name, like they were old buddies.

"What size skate for the pretty girl?" He asked with a smile.

"Nine," my brother replied before I could say anything. I turned to give him a confused look. How did he know my shoe size.

"I didn't look through your suitcase to find a pair of your shoes and figure out what size they were!" He said quickly.

"You WHAT?!" I asked incredulously. Our little conversation was cut short by the return of front counter man with my footwear.

"There you are, sweet heart," he smiled warmly.

"Thank you," I murmured. Kendall led me over to a bench and pulled out his pair of skates, quickly putting them on and lacing them up. I, on the other hand, simply stared at bladed boots, having absolutely no clue as to how to tie them. My brother looked over and smiled.

"Need some help?" He asked. I directed my gaze at the ground.

"Maybe," I answered sheepishly.

"Well the first step in actually putting it on your foot," Kendall instructed with a laugh. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks, but I took off my shoe and slipped my foot into the ice skate. He started to lift my leg and place it over his to tie the footwear more easily, but I jerked back from his touch.

"What are you doing?" I asked nervously.

"Autumn, it'll be easier for me to lack up the skate this way. I'm not going to hurt you," Kendall soothed. I let out a tiny breath and allowed him to continue.

Within a few minutes we were walking to the actual rink. (Well, Kendall was walking; I was more wobbling and grabbing on to everything in sight.) My brother opened the door for me and I stepped inside, the cold air hitting me like a slap in the face. I huddled deeper into James's sweatshirt, thankful he let me borrow it.

Kendall stepped onto the ice just as naturally if it were the ground he walked on. I remained stationery right before the slippery substance that scared me.

"I'm not going to skate alone out here, you do realize that?" I just continued to not move. "Autumn, are you scared?" Kendall asked.

"What? N-no, of course not!" I countered. My brother raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Alright, then come get on the ice," he pushed. "I mean, it doesn't freak you out or anything."

I sucked in a deep breath. "I can't skate," I mumbled.

"Hmmm, what's that?" Kendall asked.

"I can't skate and it scares me just to get on the ice! There, happy?" I gave in. He gave a tiny smile and extended his hand out. I stared at it blankly before shaking my head.

"Autumn, you have to trust me. I'm not going to let go," my brother promised. I debated it briefly in my head. Slowly, I reached out and grasped his warm hand, carefully stepping onto the ice. Kendall grinned brightly.

"Ok, now we're going to move a little bit." He glided one skate across the ice. I stumbled, let out a squeal of surprise, and clung on to Kendall for dear life.

"Autumn," he let out a laugh. "It's going to be alright. I promise I won't let you get hurt." I took a big breath and reverted back to just holding his hand. "Move you right skate at an angle and push yourself forward."

I did as I was instructed, staring at my feet the entire time. Surprisingly, I somehow managed to get a hold of it within twenty minutes. (Although you could still check Olympic figure skater off my list of future goals.)

"Autumn, I'm going to let go now," Kendall warned. I looked over at him with giant eyes, panic rushing through my body.

"No, you're not!" I protested.

"Yes I am. You can do this on your own; I know you can," He encouraged gently while releasing my hand. I stood there for a second, feeling lost and alone. Then, I gently pushed off (nearly taking a face plant, but staying upright nonetheless), and shakily started to ice skate.

"See? You're not fatally crashing and burning," Kendall said eagerly. I sent him a disbelieving look, hoping to keep my wall up. However, that plan went down the drain when he purposefully almost ran into me.

I gripped onto the wall and watched the smirking Kendall skate past. "Are you _trying _to get me killed, Dimples?" I called out. Immediately, I snapped my mouth shut and covered it with my hand. Had I just used the nickname I called my brother all the time when we were little? I couldn't believe I had just slipped.

Kendall stopped sharply and turned to stare at me, his emerald eyes full of shock. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. All the memories from when we were kids came rushing back. From happy, to painful, to sad, the emotions hit me like a brick wall. That one little word caused all that.

I fell down the side of the wall, my butt hitting the cold ice, but I didn't care. I stared at the scratched white surface, trying to compose myself. There went keeping my wall up.

"Autumn?" Kendall asked worriedly as he skated over. He kneeled down and tried to look into my eyes.

"I called you that when we were little," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I miss those years," I said before tears started to fall. (I'm pretty sure I had cried more in the past two weeks than I had in the past year.)

"Little one," he murmured before sitting down next to me, using his thumb to wipe away my tears. I jerked away and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"Please don't touch me," I whispered brokenly. "I don't want to talk right now."

"No," Kendall protested. "I'm tired of putting this issue off and not facing my feelings. We need to talk about this and you're going to listen."

I gave a sad sigh and nodded, indicating he could start talking, my gaze cast to my ankles. I felt a warm hand cup my chin and force two pairs of identical eyes into each other. "I need to see those beautiful green eyes before I can start." I took a shaky breath, his action taking me off-guard.

"I was too young to remember you being born or any of the frustrations Mom and Dad went through when you were little, but I do remember how important you were in my life. Both you and Katie mean the world to me, even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes. Growing up, I tried to be the most amazing older brother in the world; someone my two little sisters could look up to and be proud of. At the same time I loved you two with all my heart and I never wanted that adoration to be broken.

Of course, things don't always go the way you want them to. Hearing that you wanted to leave was worse than taking a hockey puck to the face and I immediately placed the blame on myself. Did you suddenly not like me? What had I done wrong? I don't think I talked to anyone for at least a week after you left. I was trying to figure everything out, but more importantly I missed you. I wanted to think you would just burst through the door and it would all be a bad dream. My little sister was _gone _and I hadn't even said goodbye.

I tried so hard to go on with life. I was too stubborn to think of writing, calling, or any other form of communication. I told myself that if you really cared it would be _you _who contacted us, not me. Autumn, I can't tell you how close I was to forcing Mom to give me Dad's new phone number so I could talk to you about winning a hockey tournament, or acing a giant test, or getting an offer to record songs in Hollywood… I guess you could say I never truly got over you leaving.

It reached a point, though, where I was tired of feeling sad, and I covered up that sadness with anger. I blamed everything on you and laughed at your imperfections. Call it sick, but it felt nice to have someone to mask my weaknesses. It started off with just little things with the guys, but it snowballed over time. They felt the same way I did.

Then, you came a couple weeks ago. When I saw you for that first time in years I hardly recognized you. Where was that tiny elementary school girl with pigtails and no front teeth? You shot up in height, your eyes were so distant and guarded, and it only added to the anger. This time, though, it was at myself for letting you go so easily. I missed seven whole years of your life. Seven years that shaped you into who you are now. It made me wish I had called and remained up-to-date.

I'm so sorry for how we all treated you, me especially. I truly, truly am because every time I see you now you can't look at me and you're afraid for me to even touch you. I can't tell you how much it kills me. All I want is to see you happy again and smiling that gorgeous smile. I'll do every possible thing I can.

Autumn, things are going to change between us. I'll text you, call you, visit Ohio so we don't have a repeat of the past seven years. I want to know every little detail about your life because you're my little sister and I love you so much. I thought you were gone for good when I held you that night. You were so light and fragile. It scared me.

I know you couldn't hear it, but I talked to you when you were asleep in the hospital room. Little one, I don't think you know how _beautiful _you are. I'm afraid to let you out in public because boys will hit on you and that's not ok with me. From what I can tell you're the best mellophone and French Horn player at your school. You have no idea how much respect I have for that. I promise I'll make it to at least one marching band competition and don't doubt it.

I know what I did was awful and hard to forgive. Understand this, though: I'll never let myself live this down. I want you to love me again. I want to be a family again." He finished, tears flowing freely from his eyes.

I sniffled quietly, feeling as though a huge part of my life had suddenly been filled in. Kendall meant every word he said, and I knew it. I pressed myself to his warm body and buried my face in his shoulder.

It took a while of just staying in that position, trying to figure out what I was going to say in response. In the end I decided on an intricate "thank you". (What can I say; I have a way with words.)

"Are you ok?" Kendall asked worriedly. I sniffled and took a shaky breath.

"That's all I've wanted to hear for the past seven years. I thought you hated me and wished I was never born."

"No, no, no, no. Autumn, look at me." I did as I was told. "I could _never _hate you. You mean too much for that to ever happen. Do you understand?" I nodded gently. "Come here," He whispered as I was pulled in close to my brother's warm body. I felt a soft kiss placed to the top of my head.

Suddenly, I felt as though I was little again and there was nothing more to worry about in life. I had two amazing parents, a younger sister who looked up to me, and an older brother to always be there for me. (The possible boyfriend was only an added bonus.)

"Why are you still crying?"

I pulled back and wiped away the wetness from my cheeks. "I think my tear ducts are broken," I admitted with a hiccupped laugh. Kendall smiled and true smile, visibly relaxing.

"Well how about we get off this cold ice and I take you to the most amazing restaurant in all of Los Angeles?" He asked while standing up and offering his hand.

"I'd like that," I agreed. I grabbed hold of Kendall's hand, pulled myself up, and carefully skated off the ice.

We were back to the apartment around 7:30. In between lunch and my brother taking me all around the city I was so tired I was pretty sure I would sleep wherever there was space. Of course, the living space was empty of all inhabitants, so I was able to take a shower, change into my pajamas, talk to Kendall a bit more, and then go to bed around nine.

I must've been sleeping like a rock because when I woke up the next time it was 3:31 in the morning. Katie was asleep above me and the apartment was silent. I shivered and huddled deeper into my blankets. Somehow, though, I couldn't seem to get warm.

After half an hour I gave up and quietly tip toed out of the room in hopes of finding some extra blankets. I searched in every possible place, but there was none to be found. I was about to go back and attempt to go back to bed when I ran into a body in the hallway.

"Autumn, what are you doing up?" Came Kendall's worried voice.

"I-I… It's too cold in Katie's room and I can't find any extra blankets," I admitted, feeling quite embarrassed. "Why are you up?"

"I was thirsty," he replied like it was the most logical reason ever. "It is really cold in the apartment tonight. Why don't you come sleep in my bed with me? Katie and I do it when the air conditioning goes all out of control like right now."

I stood there for a couple seconds, trying to figure out what he just said. When it fully clicked in my head I yawned and gave a sleepy nod. My brother opened the door to his room and guided me to his bed across from Logan. I quietly slipped under the covers, relaxing from the warmth. Kendall placed his body next to mine and I immediately pressed myself close out of instinct like when we were younger.

"Thank you," I whispered. He kissed my forehead and replied with a tired "you're welcome".

Before I knew it I was in a deep, dreamless sleep, the world finally at peace.

**General Point of View**

Logan woke up the next morning and yawned. He sat up in bed and glanced at the clock, an image catching the corner of his eye. He blinked a few times as if to tell if it was real or not. When it did, in fact, not disappear, he quietly shot out of bed and ran to the kitchen.

"You guys have to see this!" He called to anybody who was in the small space. Mrs. Knight raised on eyebrow in confusion.

"See what, Logan?" She asked.

"Just, come here," He commanded. Mr. and Mrs. Knight, Katie, Carlos, and James all followed the smart boy in wonder back to his room. Logan gently opened the door and gestured to Kendall's bed where he and Autumn were sleeping soundly next to each other.

The Knight parents smiled and looked like they were about to cry. "Did they?" Mr. Knight was at a loss for words.

"I can't believe it," Carlos said in happiness.

"What happened yesterday?" Katie asked.

"I don't know, sweetie," Mrs. Knight answered. "But what I do know is that I'm glad it happened."

**And done! Gah, wasn't that just the cutest thing? It's currently 9:52 at night and I have an AP US test to study for. I just love you all that much!**

**James: Emily's lying. Don't listen to her.**

**Me: When have I ever lied?**

**James: Just earlier today when-**

**Me: Alright, let's move on! So the next couple chapters should be in larger spans of time to get some important schtuff in(; Until next time my loves!**

**Don't forget to review, favorite, follow, ect! It makes me a very happy person:D**


	12. Chapter 12

'**Ello there my beautiful readers! So this chapter was going to be posted sooner but I got distracted… *You all glare and slowly pull back out your kitchen supplies* Put. The zesters. Down! Ok, pumpkin spice cookies to: Turtles45, NeonLovesYou, Ileana, GhostGirl51, and the wonderfully wonderful Shehunter! No joke, she's my bestest friend IN THE WORLD and bugs me about updating via text… But really, I love her to death and so should you guys(:**

**P.S. This chapter covers a bunch of years in one. It's kind of like an epilogue but I have one final chapter coming so it's not quite done yet. Have fun!**

The last week of my visit passed by in a blur. I spent a lot of my time with the guys when they weren't in the studio. Of course, when the morning came to leave I was pretty upset.

I stood by the door, my suitcase in hand and my dad behind me. The guys, my mom, and Katie we all standing with us, sad looks upon their faces.

"Do you have to leave?" Carlos questioned like a little kid. Logan nodded in agreement, his eyes begging me to stay. I gave a tiny smile.

"I wish I could," I admitted. "But band starts up soon and I'm not really allowed to skip out with being an officer and all."

"Fine," He huffed. I leaned my bag against the wall and walked the short distance to my family. I gave Carlos a tight squeeze. He hugged back warmly.

I moved on to Logan. "Hey, don't forget to keep out game of Draw Something going, ok?" he reminded me. I laughed and agree while giving him a similar hug to Carlos.

I wasn't until I was pulled into those comforting arms that I really didn't want to go. I inhaled, taking in James's scent for the last time in a while. "I don't want to leave," I whined softly. The tall boy tilted my chin up to look in his beautiful hazel eyes.

"We'll see each other again very soon, alright? Gustavo already books tons of shows in the Midwest," He soothed. I blinked and nodded before he gently kissed me.

"Ok, that's enough of that!" I heard Kendall object, breaking us apart. "Now come and give your favorite brother a hug." I rolled my eyes with a smile but obliged to his command. He wrapped his arms around me protectively and gave a soft kiss to the top of my head. I nuzzled into his chest, not wanting to let go.

"All of our contact information is in your phone and I made myself an emergency contact. Don't forget to set up Skype and talk to us that way. I expect to hear about every event in your life, Little One, ok? Oh, and if you happen to get a Twitter-"

"Kendall!" I cut him off. "First of all: Why are you an emergency contact for me? You live on the opposite end of the country. Secondly: I still hold my vow true that I will _never _get a Twitter! The day that happens is the day the zombie apocalypse hits, thank you."

"You say that now, but your thoughts are going to change," Kendall promised with a smirk. I merely gave a tiny laugh and went on to hug Katie and my mom.

After putting the matter off as long as we could, my mom drove me and my dad to the airport. (To be perfectly honest, I thought the four boys were going to barricade the door.) We stood at the entrance to baggage check, my mom smiling sadly.

"Have a safe flight back. We'll really miss you guys here," she leaned over and gave me a tight squeeze. "We'll come back together _very _soon."

"I look forward to it," I said sincerely.

She left with a loving goodbye to my dad and we passed through all the security quickly. Within an hour and a half we were up in the air on our way back home. I sat back with my iPod, reflecting on the whole trip. It's funny how something I dreaded so much ended up changing my entire life for the best.

We landed, received our luggage from baggage claim, reclaimed the car, and drove back to our lovely home. Once through the door I ran up to my room and fell face first onto my bed.

"I missed you!" I exclaimed, my face buried in the soft blankets. I looked up and glanced at the clock, finding it was 8 at night. Of course, by the time by body is finally adjusted to California time, I have to readjust it to Ohio time.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned it on. Not two minutes later did I have five missed calls, three voicemails, and fourteen texts. No surprise, they were all from four teenage boys, one of which happened to be related to me.

"And so it begins," I moaned out loud.

It was now November of my sophomore year of high school and life seemed to be smiling upon me. I was doing well in my AP class, I had passed my test to get my temporary license (so I was now driving… With my dad in the car.), I got my first ever solo in marching band, and I managed second chair out of eight horn chairs for a special honors band I had auditioned for. Of course, I was keeping in contact with my California family every day and they knew so much about my life.

It was the week before my championship competition for band and I was Skyping with Kendall and James about it.

"I'm really nervous," I admitted. "I just want us to do well because we've worked so hard this season."

"I'm sure you guys will," James tried to reassure me.

"Are you sure you guys can't come? It's my last competition." Kendall and James smiled sadly.

"Sorry pretty girl, but we're scheduled to record more for our third album all day. I really wish we could come see you," Kendall looked sincere. I sighed, but agreed.

A week later I was on the band bus on our way to Cincinnati for championships. I sighed sadly. Not only was my dad not going to be able to make it, but it was cold and rainy outside. The boys had sent me a good luck text, but told me they all had to go because their producer was getting testy.

We pulled up to the large brick school and checked in. I slowly pulled on my gloves, slipping my hands through the gauntlets shortly after. I check my phone one last time. After coming up with nothing I placed my hat on my head and made my way off the bus to retrieve my mellophone.

We went through both physical and musical warm-ups, the nerves grasping hold of me harsher with each passing second. We walked over to the gate and my breathing hitched uncontrollably. I could only think of me messing up and ruining the whole performance. My friends tried to calm me down, but I was just a big bundle of nerves.

I numbly started the performance. The first part of our show was pretty much acting like mountain climbers to set the mood. I trudged up the back sideline, hoping we were convincing the judges how bad we wanted this. I peeked up at the audience and almost stopped short. I blinked a few times, thinking I was just seeing things. There, clear as day, sat my dad, mom, Katie, Logan, Carlos, Kendall, and James. If I wasn't in a performance I would have started freaking out.

"_Those little liars,_" was my last thought before the show officially started and my mind was lost to the world of the Himalayan Mountains.

I marched and played the first and second song like I never had before. Before I could have the chance to feel nervous, the field commanders were giving the count off to the third song and I was walking to my duet position. The trumpet came in, clear and beautiful. I slowly brought my horn up to playing position, a wave of pride overtaking me. I played the notes and phrases perfectly, much to my happiness.

Me and my partner gave our bows and the audience applauded, with the exception of the group of seven cheering very loudly from center stadium. While walking back I gave them a tiny smile. Kendall and I locked eyes for a fraction of a second and the biggest grin possible stretched across both of our faces.

I marched songs four and five like nothing was in my way. We cut off the final chord, snapped our instruments down, and took in giant breaths. The audience burst into wild applause and I suddenly felt like crying. Not only was my entire family there, but we had just pulled together and performed the best show of the season.

We marched off the field and to the band truck where we had to load instruments. We didn't have very long, however, before we had to go back to the stands for awards. I nervously took my friend's hand and squeezed. She smiled back and was about to reassure me before the announcer's voice came up.

We held our breath as the placement awards counting back from twelfth place were announced. Finally, we had reached third place and our school had yet to place. When it wasn't our school called we all started looking around excitedly. We wanted grand champion so bad, but to get second would be equally as amazing.

"In second place…" The announcer paused a solid five seconds and I wanted to kill someone. "South Lyon high school!"

My school sat there, letting the information sink in. "That's not us," we whispered in shock. The voice came back and announced us as grand champions and everybody from my band jumped up and started screaming in happiness. I hugged my best friend, tears openly streaming down our faces.

"There is one award we forgot to announce," the voice came back. We stopped our celebrating to listen. "This is the best soloist award, given to the most outstanding soloist of the day. This award is very prestigious and hard to obtain."

I sat back down, not expecting anything. I was basking in the happiness from just winning, not quite paying attention.

"The best soloist today goes to… Miss Autumn Knight!" My heart stopped then and there and my breath caught in my throat. The entire stadium applauded for me and my high school went insane. I looked at my friend in complete shock. She gave me a giant smile and a hug. I laughed and cried even harder. This day was completely surreal to me.

We got up to leave and I was swept into so many arms for hugs. I smiled and thanked them on our way back to the truck. Everything was a giant blur of happiness that I honestly couldn't tell you any of what happened on the short walk back.

We all congregated in a huddle, all smiled and tears. Our field commanders walked back and triumphantly displayed the giant trophy. Our band cheered so loud I swear you could've heard it from a mile away.

"Congratulations you guys, really. I can't tell you how proud I am of this group right now. We just made school history," our band director said, his eyes teary.

"And congratulations to Autumn Knight! I do believe this belongs to you," our head field commander presented me with my trophy. My band members cheered around me.

After a few more hugs and cheering we broke apart and walked around a bit until we had to get on the busses. I was talking to Reilly, my best friend, when I was suddenly swept up and spun around.

"I'm so incredibly proud of you!" Kendall murmured into my hair. "You guys deserved that first place!"

"I can't believe you're here!" I replied while pulling away. "I thought you were recording!"

He shrugged. "Gustavo cancelled on us a couple days ago and gave us the whole week off. We're just as confused as you are."

"So are you staying for a little bit?" I asked hesitantly while a smile graced my lips.

"They're staying through Friday," my dad answered. I squealed and ran to hug him.

"They haven't seen the house yet, have they?" I asked hopefully. He shook his head and I clapped.

"Oh, and we got permission from your band director so you can come home with us. I don't want to drive, so I was hoping you could." I laughed but agreed. I heard an impatient cough from behind me and I turned around to see Katie and the other three guys. I smiled and ran to greet them.

"You guys were amazing! I'm so proud of you, Chica!" Carlos squeezed me tight. I responded with a warm "thank you" before moving on to Logan.

"Autumn, you're a phenomenal player. I can't tell you how proud I am of my little Bubbles," He praised me. I blushed and hugged him back.

I didn't even need to see who was last to know who it was. I sighed in content and rested the side of my head on his chest. We stayed like that for a little bit until he pulled me back and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I love watching you perform, beautiful. Listening to that solo made me want to cry and seeing that happiness in your eyes is the prettiest thing in the world. Like everybody else has said: I'm so incredibly proud of you." James's gorgeous hazel eyes stared into mine and nearly made me fall. He smiled and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, which I was sure felt oh-so-wonderful after playing half the day.

"Alright, Autumn's in uniform and hasn't your director said something about pda while in uniform? Yeah, let's not take our chances with it!" Kendall broke us apart, yet again. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks and looked to the side where Reilly was giving a thumbs up and mouthing "get it girl!".

Within ten minutes I was in the driver's side of my car with Logan and Kendall in the backseat. (And my dad in the passenger side, of course.)

"Remind me again why the two licensed drivers of the four are in here?" I asked nervously.

"There wasn't enough room in the other car," Logan answered with a smile. I took a shaky breath and adjusted my mirrors (which were all messed up thanks to my dad). I was about to turn the key in the ignition when Kendall stopped me.

"Dad, if we die on the way home, I just want you to know I love you." I gave him a glare in the rearview mirror.

"We're not going to _die_; Autumn happens to be a very safe driver." I nodded and turned the car on. Slowly, I backed out of the parking spot and made my way to the road, a steel grip on the steering wheel.

I didn't manage to relax until we were an hour into the drive. It took profuse apologizing from Kendall and lots of complimenting of my driving from Logan to accomplish said task. My dad turned on the radio and the atmosphere calmed down considerably.

"You'll like the house. It's nothing special, but it's nice," I commented as I pulled into the neighborhood. I could see Logan and Kendall's eyes get huge. I took several more turns until my court came into view. I pulled up the driveway and hit the garage door opener.

I pulled the car into the garage, careful not to take out a mirror or create a hole in the wall, and turned the vehicle off. We piled out and I grabbed my bag.

"Welcome home," I smiled.

"This is your _house_?" Logan asked incredulously. I nodded innocently.

"Like I said, it's not much. I'm sure you guys have seen far better in Los Angles." My mom pulled up in the driveway and stopped the car. I heard doors slam and footsteps toward me. I slung my garment bag over my shoulder and made my way to the door where I could hear my dog whimpering in anticipation.

"Hi, house!" I called out as I walked into the kitchen. My dog wagged his tail excitedly and ran in circles, not quite sure what to do with all these new visitors.

"That's Maurice," my dad introduced the hyperactive golden doodle. "Milton, our cat, is around here somewhere. I bet he's looking for food. Autumn, can you show them where they'll be staying?"

I sighed, but obliged. "C'mon and take a journey with me." I started trudging up the stairs, my garment bag dragging behind me. I stopped at the second floor.

"All the guest bedrooms are on this level. You can each have your own or you can double up or I don't really care. Dad has the basement and I have the floor right above us so if you need anything at all you kind of know where to go. Have fun!" I turned around before they had the opportunity to ask any questions and went up to my room to take a shower.

"_HA, I GOT THE ROOM WITH BLUE SHEETS!" _Came the voice of Carlos followed by a giant thud. I went over and carefully locked the door.

"_This is going to be a long week_."

The week passed by in a tiring but fun blur. In between the constant texts during class and being kept up until 11:30 I couldn't have been happier for the weekend to come.

The guys left early Friday morning, so I was able to see them before I left for school. I much as I would miss them I needed some time to breath and a house to myself for a little bit.

It continued like that for a couple years. We alternated between them coming to Ohio and my dad and I flying out to California. (I liked going to L.A. better because it was so warm and their apartment was the best thing in the world.) Of course, we always went back to Minnesota for Christmas and made sure to skate on the pond in our neighborhood.

James and I were still going strong. He had officially asked me to be his girlfriend when I was 16 at one of their concerts. They pulled me up on the stage for "Cover Girl" and James wouldn't let me leave for "Worldwide". Once the song ended he asked me… in front of the entire audience. It was sweet and awkward all at the same time.

Kendall and I were inseparable. If we weren't in the same state we Skyped for at least an hour every day. Not only did I learn he was an amazing listener, but he was really good at English. If I ever needed someone to edit my papers for school he was my go-to guy. When I was in California I finally got the chance to meet the famous Jo Taylor whom my brother never seemed to shut up about.

Logan and Carlos became my older brothers all over again. I could talk about anything with Logan and he always knew what to say. Carlos could make me smile no matter how awful I was feeling. I could honestly say I loved them with all my heart.

Katie and I picked up where we left off and it was like nothing had changed. We talked a lot over texts and e-mail. As far as I could tell she wasn't able to discuss a bunch of her problems with the guys because it would be way too embarrassing.

I managed to graduate high school and get accepted into Ohio State University for music education. It wasn't too far from home but I kept myself occupied with marching band. (It just wasn't something I could let go.)

My parents came as the biggest surprise. My dad announced at Christmas my freshman year in college that he and my mom were getting married. All of us were, of course, extremely happy for them but a bit surprised. They remarried when I was 20 and moved into the house with Katie (who didn't really mind leaving California because she always loved coming to Ohio). The guys kept the apartment at the Palm Woods (since they were 22) and continued on with the band.

Then, when I was 23, we took our traditional trip out to the west coast the first three weeks in June. By this point the apartment was as familiar to me as my own house. (Not much had been changed, including the people in it.)

I woke up one morning (well, more like afternoon) in James's bed to find he wasn't there. I frowned; he was always there when I woke up. I looked over to the side table and found a note with my name on it. I reached over and opened it up, my mind still a bit groggy.

_Autumn, _

_Meet me in Palm Woods park at 5:30 and look pretty._

_-James_

_P.S. Happy seven year anniversary, beautiful_

I smiled and flopped back into the soft pillows. Today was, in fact, our seven year anniversary. To be honest, I was pretty surprised we had made it this long without any major problems.

When 2:00 rolled around I figured I should physically get up out of bed and actually make social contact with the outside world. I swung my legs over the edge and made my way out to the bright kitchen where all of the family except for James was located. My mom looked over to me and a giant smile graced her features.

"Look who's finally up!" Kendall called. I stuck my tongue out at him and sat down on the spinning chairs.

"So sis, any big plans for today?" Katie asked, her voice implying she knew something.

"Well, James told me to meet him at the park at five, so there's that. Speaking of that boy, where is he?"

"Nowhere," Carlos answered quickly, his voice nervous. I gave him a look and asked if he was alright.

"He's fine," Logan answered, his eyes filled with excitement.

"You all know something that I don't," I stated. They were all confusing me majorly.

"Psh, no, what makes you think that? Oh look, it's 2:07 and you should be getting ready for tonight! Bye Autumn!" My brother quickly pushed me in the bathroom and slammed the door. I just stood there for a solid minute, my brain trying to comprehend what had just happened. In the end I just shrugged it off and took a shower.

By the time 4:45 rolled around I was all dressed and ready to go. My family smiled and told me to have fun with the same attitude they had this morning. (Well, apart from my dad. He just sat around looking like he was trying to understand something.) I walked to the park to find my wonderful boyfriend.

I stopped short and smiled. There, right in front of me, was the same picnic setting of our first date. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"Do you like it?" James asked softly. I turned around and kissed him.

"I love it," I murmured. "It's just like our first date."

"That was the point." He took my hand and led me to the blanket where we sat down to eat.

An hour later we were just laying there, me safely tucked under his arm, watching the clouds. "I can't believe we've made it seven years. That's a long time. I'll be done with college soon," I pointed out. James sat up and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"I know," he looked me in the eyes and smiled. "And I can't imagine a more amazing girl to spend those seven years with." I blushed and looked at my hands.

"Autumn," he continued, his voice now more serious. "I love you more than words can describe. You're smart, talented, sweet, caring, beautiful, and if I continue on we'll be here all night. You've been in my life since we were both really young and as cheesy as it may sound; you're a part of me. We pushed through the hard times together, proving to me we'll always love each other.

You never fail to astound me. I know I have absolutely nothing to hide from you and can talk to you about anything. You're not only my girlfriend, but my best friend. Every time I look in your eyes I can't help but lose my train of thought. You've done to me what no other girl has done before."

I smiled and blinked away the tears. "I guess what I'm trying to get at is," James paused and got down on one knee. My breathing hitched and my heart started to beat uncontrollably. He pulled out a velvet box from his pocket and opened it slowly. "Autumn Marie Knight… Will you marry me?"

**Hehe, I left ya'll hanging! (Although it's kind of obvious what she's going to say…) Sorry about the long update period! The next chapter will be the final chapter and then we get to move on to the sequel!:D**

**James: *is in hyperventilation mode* WHY DO YOU MAKE ME WAIT TO FIND OUT IF SHE SAID YES OR NOT?!**

**Me: It's really late at night and I don't want to type anymore.**

**James: WELL THEN HURRY UP!**

**Me: Fine, Mr. Pushy! **

**Don't forget to review/favorite/follow/whatever else is on here:D Until next time loves! **


	13. Chapter 13

**This is it, guys. This is the last chapter ever of **_**Before the Storm**_**. I'm not going to go into a long sob rant because 1) my keys are sticking really bad and 2) that's at the end. Mini pumpkin pies to: ElizabethMaslowBTR, NeonLovesYou, Pink Princess 777, Shehunter (GWENNYPOO!), Dragon Paranormal, GhostGirl51, and Ileana. This chapter would have been out later if it weren't for this crazy girl who virtually stalked me and texted me to get me to finish this story. This girl goes by the pen name of Four Rights and a Square and has been my best friend since kindergarten and is undoubtedly one of the most wonderful people on the face of the earth. I love you, McKenna!**

I stood there, shock the only emotion in my body. James peered up at me hopefully, the sun glistening off of the beautiful diamond ring. The shock quickly turned to pure happiness.

"Yes," I managed out with a huge smile. James remained in the same position for a couple seconds as if he was trying to comprehend what I had just said. However, his face soon lit up brighter than a Christmas tree and he pulled me in for a hug.

"I love you so much Autumn Marie _Diamond_," he said as the ring was gently slipped on my fourth finger.

"I don't know what to say," I admitted with a small laugh, admiring the pretty piece of jewelry.

"You can say that you love me too and we should go back to the apartment after you clean all of this up." I raised my eyebrow.

"Nice try, but no," I answered. James pouted and I leaned over to kiss him. "We can both work on this."

We cleaned up the picnic in complete bliss, our radiant smiles the only thing shared between us. I folded the blanket and stood up to join hands with the wonderful man that was now officially mine. We walked back to the Palm Woods and I couldn't help but stare in amazement at my hand.

James opened the door to reveal a dark apartment. I reached over and gently flipped on the light switch. I jumped back as the rest of my family popped out from behind the couch shouting "CONGRATULATIONS!" as loud as they could. I'm sure my face turned an embarrassing shade of red and I gave a small giggle.

Carlos ran up and pulled us both in for a hug. I looked over to James with a smile which he gladly returned. I wrapped my free arm back around the Latino and patted his back.

"Let me see it," Katie ordered as we were released. I took a couple steps towards her and held out my left hand. Both she and my mom admired the stone and gave me a giant smile.

"We need to go dress shopping, and pick out flowers, and decide on your bridesmaids, and-"

"Mom, let's start with picking a date," Kendall laughed and directed his attention to me. "Come here, you." I placed myself in his waiting arms and hugged back tightly.

"Ahem," I heard Logan's voice from behind me. "I think I deserve a hug." I rolled my eyes with a smile, but obliged.

"Sorry, Logie." I apologized. He laughed and pulled me in closer.

"Autumn Diamond. Wow." He breathed. "I guess we all should have seen thing coming." I nodded in agreement.

"She's all mine now," James murmured as he put his arm around me. I looked around the room and my eyes landed on my dad, who looked almost disbelieving. I pulled away from the tall boy and quietly walked over to my father.

"Dad?" I asked softly. He looked up with tears in his eyes and pulled me in for a hug.

"I just can't believe you're all grown up. What happened to the little girl who thought boys had cooties?" I pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

"She's still right here, just a little bit older. I'll always be your little girl," I promised with a smile. The corners of his mouth pulled up and he pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Now, James," He called out. "If you break her heart, I know where you live."

"You've told me that since we became official and I can promise this: the day I break Autumn's heart is the day the world ends. I'll never stop loving her."

My dad seemed satisfied with the answer. The rest of the night was spent in complete happiness. If I hadn't known it before I sure knew it now; I had the most amazing guy in the face of the earth.

I stood in the small room, my heart beating a thousand miles a minute and my breathing uncontrollable. After eleven long and hectic months of planning, the big day was upon us. Everybody else had left and I was the only one remaining in the room. Of course, I was happy, but nervous beyond belief.

I stared in the mirror for the umpteenth time. A pair of emerald green eyes bore back into mine. I tried to take a deep breath, but I fell short. A sudden knock at the door sent my unhealthy heart rate at an even faster pace.

I shakily walked over and cracked it open to reveal my brother clad in a tux. He was the best man and Katie was the maid of honor.

"Can I come in?" He asked with a smile. I nodded and widened the gap to allow his to step in.

"Don't you have to go soon?" I asked. He shook his head and looked up at me.

"Woah." He breathed in amazement. I blushed and looked to the ground. "Autumn, you look gorgeous. James is one lucky guy." I gave a tiny smile.

"I'm so nervous," I admitted. "What if something goes wrong, or what if I made the wrong decision?"

"Little One," Kendall lifted my chin to look in his eyes. "You love each other more than life. I see it every day and I _know _this is the right choice for both of you. This day is supposed to be a happy one, so smile." He pulled me in for a careful hug.

"I love you," I whispered. Kendall kissed the top of my head and squeezed a little bit tighter.

"I love you, too." He paused to check the time on his phone. "I have to get going, but I'll see you out there."

As soon as the door clicked behind him my dad was in the room to take his place. He looked about ready to cry, but offered me a smile instead.

"You look so beautiful," He said softly. I gave a weak smile and leaned over to hug him.

"Thanks, daddy."

After a couple more minutes we made our way over to the church and stood behind the large doors.

"You won't let me fall, right?" I checked, my eyes closed shut.

"Never," My dad promised as the organ picked up the traditional tune. The doors opened as well as my eyes. I linked arms with my dad and held my bouquet of flowers close to my chest. People filled the pews to the point some were standing in the back. I locked eyes with Kendall and he gave a wink followed with a smile.

I took in my surroundings for a few seconds more then caught the gaze of James. He stood there, looking amazing (as always) with his mouth slightly hung open and a dazed look in his eyes. I blushed and gave a small smile. He then beamed and if my dad wasn't holding on to me I swear I would have just taken off running to him.

We finished what seemed like the walk of eternity and my dad sadly handed me off. I flashed him a smile and gave my flowers to Katie. The music stopped and James leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"You look absolutely stunning." I looked down and could feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

"You don't look too bad yourself," I murmured back before the preacher started talking.

The ceremony went perfectly. Between not catching the church on fire and both of us crying while reciting our vows I couldn't have been happier. Everything fell into place that day in a way even I couldn't imagine.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the preacher closed. James took my face in between his hands and softly pressed his lips against mine. I smiled, happiness the only feeling in my body.

"I love you," I whispered as we broke apart.

"I love you so much," James smiled sweetly before we were swept up with hugs.

The rest of the evening was seamless. I'm sure I turned the brightest shade of red imaginable when James had to take off the garter and it landed in the unsuspecting hands on Logan. Ironically enough when I tossed my bouquet it was caught by no other than Camille. They shared a look and blushed.

Even better was that neither my dad nor James let me fall during the first dance and the father daughter dance. (Although I was pretty sure my dad didn't want to let me go after the song ended.)

It was the end of the night and I was huddled close into James on the car ride over to the airport. We were taking our honeymoon to Honolulu, Hawaii and I was super excited. Of course, he had already visited there on multiple occasions, but it was my first time.

I had the most amazing time. In between the large amount of time spent on the beach and not having a care in the world I was upset we had to come home but James had to work and I had to look at moving everything into our new apartment across the hall from the boys' living space.

Everything was perfect for a couple weeks. James went into the studio most days, but that was alright with me. I spent the majority of the time unpacking and making our apartment look like somebody actually lived in it.

The point came, however, when I was constantly getting sick in the mornings to the point of James wanting to stay home with me. I stubbornly refused and made him to go work, telling him I would be perfectly fine. As soon as he was out the door I called up my mom to try to figure out what was happening.

"_Have you taken a pregnancy test?_" She asked from the other end of the phone. I froze, not quite comprehending what I just heard.

"A-a what? Mom, I can't be-"

"_Honey, have you and James_-"

"Yes, Mom, we have," I replied and blushed.

"_Then I think this is your best bet. Go to the drug store, buy a pregnancy test, and call me when I'm right._" I could hear the smirk in her voice. I sighed and agreed.

"Bye, Mom," I said as I hung up the phone and grabbed my car keys.

The thirty minutes it took to go to the store, purchase the thing, come back, actually take the test, and wait for the results was the most nerve-wracking half hour of my life. Finally, the little stick beeped and I jumped. Slowly, I picked it up and turned it over to find a plus sign staring back at me. A tiny smile crept onto my face as I went down to place a hand on my stomach.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered, happiness starting to take hold of my body. I ran out of the bathroom and hurriedly called my mom. She was, of course, elated to be a grandmother, telling me to call her with updates.

The rest of the day passed painfully slow while I waited for my husband to come home. Finally, the door opened at 6:15 and my heart gave a nervous flutter.

"Hey there, beautiful," he greeted me. James took a seat on the couch and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded. "I called my mom today and we figured out what it was," I started uncertainly. James perked up and turned his attention on me.

"What is it? You're not going to die, are you?"

"No, no of course not." I laughed. I took his hand and gently placed it on my stomach. He gave me a confused look. "James, your future son or daughter is in here."

Realization dawned upon him and a few seconds later the biggest grin broke out across his face. "Are you?" He started in amazement.

I nodded happily. "I'm pregnant." He picked me up and spun me around excitedly. I laughed as I was set back on the ground.

"This is amazing," James breathed. "I'm going to be a dad!"

His reaction to the situation surprised me, but I was happy. I knew we would get through this together and be wonderful parents.

We went to the doctor a week later to find out I was having twins. James didn't handle that news as well as he did earlier. (He actually ended up fainting as soon as we were back to the apartment.)

Telling the rest of the family was the fun part. Katie was ecstatic to be an aunt, claiming that she wanted to help put together the nursery. Carlos jumped around for a while and wanted us to name the babies after him. (We had to remind him that they both couldn't be names Carlos, but he refused to believe us.) Logan was extremely happy for us and was betting on a boy and a girl. Kendall looked like he wanted to kill James at first, but came to his senses and wanted to be the cool uncle his two nephews could come to for everything (including to learn hockey).

We called my dad and he had along the same reaction as Kendall. After my mom talked to him he wished us the best and was banking on two beautiful granddaughters.

James and I were thrilled when we went to the doctor later on to find out I was having two very healthy babies; a boy and a girl. The news made Logan very happy and he went around bragging about his excellent guessing skills. Of course, Carlos wanted us to name the boy after him. We had to gently tell him that we had some other names planned but maybe next time.

Then, March 27, two beautiful babies came into the world. I was sitting back in the hospital bed, apologetically looking at James as he cradled our son.

"I'm sorry for all the yelling," I whispered while looking down sheepishly. Logan gave a laugh from the chair next to me, my daughter sleeping peacefully in his arms.

"I don't blame you," my husband smiled lovingly. I light knock sounded from the door. James turned the knob and my parents walked in followed by Katie, Carlos, and Kendall.

"Hey, hon," my mom greeted quietly. I gave a weak smile.

"So, we've waited long enough," Kendall started. "and we really want to know the names of these cute babies." James gave me a smile and handed my son over.

"Logan, give me my daughter." The smart boy pouted but handed the tiny girl over to her father.

"This chunky monkey right here," I paused to kiss the top of his head. "is Noah Benjamin Diamond." My family smiled. "Carlos, we were kind of hoping you and Stephanie would be his godparents."

Upon hearing that request the Latino looked about ready to jump out of his skin from happiness. "Yes, yes, yes!" He accepted.

"And this little lady," James readjusted her. "Is Elizabeth Reagan Diamond. Logan, man," he turned to look at my husband. "Autumn and I would love it if you and Camille would be her godparents."

"Of course," Logan relied with a huge smile. "Now give me my goddaughter."

We all laughed and I sat back, absolutely exhausted but touched by the scene. I had everything I could have ever wanted and more. Life was perfect and I knew nothing could change that.

My wonderful husband kneeled down beside me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Get some sleep, love. Noah and Ellie will be here when you wake up."

I smiled lightly before closing my eyes and falling into a peaceful sleep.

However, this was only the calm before the storm. Just when you think everything is perfect and won't change is when the rain hits.

A hurricane was about to unfold on us.

**THE END!:D Awww, I'm sad this is over, but…. THERE'S A SEQUEL! If any of you guys have read **_**The Face on the Milk Carton **_**it's loosely based off of that. **

**I can't tell you how much this story means to me. I honestly thought it wouldn't go anywhere, but you guys proved me wrong. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Truly, I love you all so, so much.**

**James: *sniffles* I can't believe it's over!**

**Me: But there's a sequel! **

**James: Yeah, but bad things happen in the sequel *sad face***

**Me: But I've only told one person about it 0.o**

**James: …I didn't look in your notebook while you were at school!**

**Me: That's it; you're going back in the bathtub!**

**But really, thank you all so much. This story has kept my mind off some bad things that's happened this year in school and I hope it's helped you all a little bit too. I know I can't thank you in the next chapter for reviewing, but it would make me a very happy girl *hopeful smile* **

**Until the next story, my dears(: I love all of you!**


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